Well the hustle and bustle is pretty much winding down....I can hear the collective sighs of relief !! I have to admit this Christmas season was smooth sailing. It was almost weird it went off pretty much with out a hitch. Before you get all jealous on me don't worry we've had our share of crazy stressful Christmas seasons. We've had the billions of toys to find and then assemble. The stress of making both sides of in-laws happy and really giving each of them a fair share of quality time. We've had the puking holidays, the ear infection, the just plain old over tired cranky holidays. We've had the backed up sink right before Christmas dinner holiday when you have 15 people for dinner and no where to wash dishes. We've had the holidays where you are counting your pennies and stretching every dollar. (we've also been blessed with above and beyond many years)
So as I crawled into bed on Christmas night I was almost a little smug with myself, "HA! We've mastered this holiday thing !!" I told myself. Then quickly rebuked myself because you see so much of our uneventful holiday was just that it was UNEVENTFUL ...you can't plan or predict backed up sinks or stomach bugs or broken toys or even grumpy kids. So even though we had no so called glitches there was a sort of peace that settled over us this year. Now don't get me wrong I had some waves of panic over the usual things..what to get the in-laws, making sure each kids kind of get the same amount, Christmas cards, and a way too big tree for my living room. On a whole though it was pretty tranquil. We enjoyed some quality family time as we lit our advent wreath and followed a devotion through the weeks leading up to Christmas. I did as much shopping as I could online which cut down on me being in the stores with 4 kids. Truth be told my kids like the stores more than I do..I hate shopping..I really hate crowds, so this really helped me to keep sane. So all these things did aide in me feeling "lighter" this season but if I had to pinpoint one thing that really helped the most it would be the 5 people that live with me. Steve and I have always worked through things as a team...but of course as the years go on its been perfected less work more flow. He knows the things that trigger stress and tries to steer me away..or he verbally reminds me that I am stressing over something that is going to pass in a few weeks. That helps me keep it into perspective. He really is my right hand (or I am his right hand :)..from wrapping, to errands, to helping hosting I never have to ask twice for help....for that I am very,very grateful. This year though was the first year I didn't feel like we were a two person team....the kids really pitched in. First of all they kept it "joyful" they would bring me back to reality when I was stressing about the silliness. Kids have a knack with that don't they..some more than others...Steven does that for me, and as much as I get irritated at how RIGHT he is..I appreciate the shot of reality. I also appreciate the physical help that they all can be now. Now I know that if we didn't invest in them all year long, encouraging them to be selfless and to look for ways to serve, they would be a drain on the holidays. Instead things were getting done...cookies were baked, gifts were wrapped, rooms were swept and dusted, tables were set, and for the most part smiles were on faces. I was no longer a one man show...and that was the "peace" that made this Christmas sweet.
So this is not at all to gloat on how great our Christmas was....its to say that I am beginning to realize that Christmas is really all about what you invest in your relationships all year long. So many of us think by putting up some Martha Stewart Christmas decorations, dressing in our best, buying the perfect gift for everyone and sending the Christmas card that portrays our children as cherubs...this will then guarantee the Christmas season we've been longing for. That's really only making sure the "outside" is looking perfect...but you see the outside is subject to all the "unpredictable." When we've taken time to prepare the inside, well then the "unpredictable" doesn't ruffle us as much. I think that is what I felt this year I didn't try to bring us all together and stick a big "perfect" bow on us for the day. We've grown this year in huge ways, through some difficult things but through those things beautiful things have begun to emerge. Are we perfect?...not a chance...have we arrived?...not even close....But do we love??? yes with all our HEARTS....when its easy, when its ugly, when its messy, and when its lovely. So those were some of the "fruits" I "tasted" this Christmas season....and when you get a taste of something so sweet it makes you grateful, but most of all prepared to persevere through some more tilling of the soil in your family garden. As 2012 draws near I pray that each of us find the spot in our garden that the Lord has for us to do some work...so that we may reap a harvest of peace, love and joy for many years to come!
Galatians 6:7 For at the proper time we will reap a harvest IF we do not give up.
My treasures
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
looking for the ghost of Christmas past
So here we are another CHRISTmas is upon us!
Of course because I am a total sap I decided to go digging through iPhoto to see pictures of Christmas past (thanks to my wonderful husband we have lots of pictures to look back on and cherish moments we may have forgotten).....OH my was I boo-hooing over those pictures! Not only did my kids look totally squeezable with their chubby cheeks, Christmas jammies all matchy matchy, they had that total twinkle in their eyes!! Man I miss that twinkle !! Ok so I boo-hooed over that stuff BIG time! But then I looked at me...yes I looked tired because who doesn't Christmas morning? December is like mom marathon of the year and you know you are so close to being finished...just a few more gifts, a fancy meal, a billion toy fixes and battery installs and you will cross that ribbon finish line. ahhhh Ok so all that tired I saw but I also saw what 10 years does to you! For the first time I didn't only see that my kids are getting older, I saw that SO AM I !! Wasn't the most thrilling moment ...ok so you guessed it back to boo-hooing I go. I was talking to one of my dear tender hearted friends just chatting on the amount of mom tears gets shed !! Its like the moment you become a mom you blow a leak and its a steady stream from then on. Why? Let's face it being a mom makes you a mush in ways you never dreamed possible....its a good thing, alittle soggy but all good.
So as another Christmas approaches see not only my kids are growing old ...but so am I (and of course that means Steve too) Its funny how easy it is to see everyone else get older but yourself ...even though the smart side of you knows its happening...unless you're are some how drinking from the fountain of youth we are all aging. I guess we got to learn to embrace it on some level.
In someways its a bit comforting this growing older stage...there is a certain ease to the rhythm of life you settle into. You figure the stressful "stuff" out for the most part. There are alot less of the "freak-out" moments...maybe its that freaking out requires too much energy and your at a stage where you are not into wasting precious energy and time....which brings me to another thought.
I've had this reoccurring thought lately (I think it goes with being almost 40) but if I had another baby what would I do differently. I've mulled it over and had a talk with Steve about it...honestly I wouldn't do much differently. Of course things would be done differently because I am DIFFERENT than I was 10 years ago....but the core things would be the same...because there is a ribbon of consistency that runs through my life. So yeah I would probably not stress about perfectly scheduled naps, and feedings equally spaced. I would snuggle a little longer and linger a bit longer over those first smiles and cooing sounds. In the end that would be way more for me than the baby :-)
So that brought me to this "ribbon of consistency" that runs through and around my life. Not a rope that ties and binds and constricts you, but a beautiful ribbon that weaves in & out. Gracefully joining one year to another. My "ribbon" is the advent wreath that gets lit for 4 weeks before Christmas and as I sit with my children I can close my eyes and hear my dads voice reading the same scriptures as my husband does in preparation of the Kings birth. My "ribbon" is trekking out to get a Christmas tree with Steve and the kids and squabbling over the WAY too BIG tree they pick out each year. My "ribbon" is putting out our nativity scene and hiding baby Jesus until Christmas morning when one of the kids put him in his spot and listening to the Christmas story before a gift is touched.
My "ribbon" is watching my dad faithfully come home to my mom each night..I watch him go up the driveway knowing that as he walks in the door and out of sight from my vantage point at the kitchen window he is being greeted by the love of his life. My "ribbon" is a husband that calls every night on the way home from work and heart that leaps at the sound of his voice and a flurry of kids happy voices (still) because "daddys home". My "ribbon" is hearing my son strum on the guitar and hearing my dad and my brother as his fingers dance across the strings.
My "ribbon" has weaved me through some great days and on the not so great days my "ribbon" has gently kept me in place....its been something that I could grab a hold of when I wasn't totally clear on where the next step would land me. My "ribbon" will be with me as I move onto all the other stages of life. It will wrap me in its memories, and history, its traditions but most of all its love. So yes I see a much younger woman in those pictures of Christmases past....but I am a woman blessed beyond belief as yet another length of my "ribbon" gets wrapped into my life.
Merry CHRISTMAS and may the love of Jesus' love wrap you in peace this week and through all the seasons of your life.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Seasons
Text to Steve this afternoon....
"I miss simpler days"....."I feel so torn"
I miss the days when there was NO thought of anyone being out of the house on the weekends....Now its actually a treat when all 4 kids end up with NO plans all weekend long. That makes me sad.....am I crazy ?? Maybe !! I know some parents who long for the days of freedom.....and yet I feel just the opposite some days. I mean don't get me wrong I do like that I can run to the grocery store by myself from time to time and quietly stroll the aisles with out 4 kids in tow. On the other hand I had a total melt down a few weeks back when NONE of my kids wanted to come out and run errands with me. My poor husband had to console me in the parking lot of Target as I boo-hooed into the phone like my life was almost over.
I love having my kids with me....even through the craziness and loudness and frustration that goes with having 4 kids with you 24 hours a day I honestly can't imagine life any other way and it saddens me when I realize that this is just a season of my life. Someday, (breathe, breathe) they will be out on their own. That is what we are preparing them for, I am fully aware of that and of course in favor of that progression of life. But my little heart aches at that thought....a day when my interaction with them is much more limited :-(.
Life is a funny round and round of events isn't it.....I remember not being able to understand my mother-in-law when we first got married....Steve being the last out of his parents house I was watching and listening to my mother in law mope around about it. In my 25 year old mind...I was like she finally has a chance to do what she wants...no worries about big dinners and extra laundry, late nights. Instead she was grieving ....I get it now...While you have it you are so in IT you can't see that there is going to be an end to this season. Its like the sleepless nights of a newborn....COME ON they go on forever until your eyes practically burn out of your skull...but really when you think back its over in a flash of time. Then one day you realize that you haven't been up with a kid in years...they don't even need you when they are sick now. That phase of life is over....and God ushers in a new one.
I have this love hate relationship with seasons....I love watching the new things that are going on with my kids. I love how we can now really talk about real life things....I love to see their independence and maturity. I love the fact that they are embracing things of God for themselves. I do like the fact that everyone ties shoes and makes beds :-). But when I go to church and hold someones newborn or see a mom out with gaggle of little kids I can't help but get that little pang inside reminding me of a season that has past for me. Most days I try not to get caught up in that because the Lord has too many great things in the season we are in the midst of ...I just couldn't help myself today....I could feel the tears welling up and the heart twisting a tad
....and then Ecclesiastes 3 came to my mind "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven"
God is in control of all the seasons of my life ....of my kids lives and seasons as well. He has ordered everything to this point and it has worked out pretty well...so I need to sit back so to speak and allow this season to roll in too....no its not easy...but you know what as I was typing this my dad came over ( my next door neighbor) :-) and I was reminded of how much I cried when I first got married because I wasn't ever going to live at my parents house again....it was so hard for my mind to wrap around that....BUT I survived and I actually ended up REALLY liking living with my husband....so some time change works out better than you thought!! Gripping onto keeping things the same isn't always the best plan to have.
For now I will keep pouring into the lives of my kids, because that is the season I am in. My prayer is not that they will stay with us forever, but that they will become adults that will be able to pour out abundantly into all the seasons that God has planned for them.
"I miss simpler days"....."I feel so torn"
I miss the days when there was NO thought of anyone being out of the house on the weekends....Now its actually a treat when all 4 kids end up with NO plans all weekend long. That makes me sad.....am I crazy ?? Maybe !! I know some parents who long for the days of freedom.....and yet I feel just the opposite some days. I mean don't get me wrong I do like that I can run to the grocery store by myself from time to time and quietly stroll the aisles with out 4 kids in tow. On the other hand I had a total melt down a few weeks back when NONE of my kids wanted to come out and run errands with me. My poor husband had to console me in the parking lot of Target as I boo-hooed into the phone like my life was almost over.
I love having my kids with me....even through the craziness and loudness and frustration that goes with having 4 kids with you 24 hours a day I honestly can't imagine life any other way and it saddens me when I realize that this is just a season of my life. Someday, (breathe, breathe) they will be out on their own. That is what we are preparing them for, I am fully aware of that and of course in favor of that progression of life. But my little heart aches at that thought....a day when my interaction with them is much more limited :-(.
Life is a funny round and round of events isn't it.....I remember not being able to understand my mother-in-law when we first got married....Steve being the last out of his parents house I was watching and listening to my mother in law mope around about it. In my 25 year old mind...I was like she finally has a chance to do what she wants...no worries about big dinners and extra laundry, late nights. Instead she was grieving ....I get it now...While you have it you are so in IT you can't see that there is going to be an end to this season. Its like the sleepless nights of a newborn....COME ON they go on forever until your eyes practically burn out of your skull...but really when you think back its over in a flash of time. Then one day you realize that you haven't been up with a kid in years...they don't even need you when they are sick now. That phase of life is over....and God ushers in a new one.
I have this love hate relationship with seasons....I love watching the new things that are going on with my kids. I love how we can now really talk about real life things....I love to see their independence and maturity. I love the fact that they are embracing things of God for themselves. I do like the fact that everyone ties shoes and makes beds :-). But when I go to church and hold someones newborn or see a mom out with gaggle of little kids I can't help but get that little pang inside reminding me of a season that has past for me. Most days I try not to get caught up in that because the Lord has too many great things in the season we are in the midst of ...I just couldn't help myself today....I could feel the tears welling up and the heart twisting a tad
....and then Ecclesiastes 3 came to my mind "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven"
God is in control of all the seasons of my life ....of my kids lives and seasons as well. He has ordered everything to this point and it has worked out pretty well...so I need to sit back so to speak and allow this season to roll in too....no its not easy...but you know what as I was typing this my dad came over ( my next door neighbor) :-) and I was reminded of how much I cried when I first got married because I wasn't ever going to live at my parents house again....it was so hard for my mind to wrap around that....BUT I survived and I actually ended up REALLY liking living with my husband....so some time change works out better than you thought!! Gripping onto keeping things the same isn't always the best plan to have.
For now I will keep pouring into the lives of my kids, because that is the season I am in. My prayer is not that they will stay with us forever, but that they will become adults that will be able to pour out abundantly into all the seasons that God has planned for them.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
DIsney ..car rides ....and my husband
So we did it !!
We made it back from Disney ......8 days.....44 hours of driving back and forth....
more gas station pit stops than my hand sanitizer could handle...3 parks...throw in a water park for extra fun....a few rainy afternoons.....one torrential down pour in the magic kingdom...more
fast food than I can to even discuss....if I never eat another chicken finger it WON'T
be too soon!! The lines were next to nothing so we rode our favorite rides multiple times!!
We were in the Magic Kingdom to night for their "Night of Joy" 3 stages set up
around the park with Christian concerts.....We had a front row to see Jeremy Camp, Sanctus Real.....and a not so front row to see Toby Mac, Skillet (insert the earplugs)..... we couldn't even get close to see one of our favorite artist Matthew West....and Nadia wiggled her way into see Group1Crew :-)) ...On a whole it was a fun 2 nights BUT can you say CRAZY !! Wow ..who knew it would be sooooo crowded ...I can assure you NOT us......I think Steve and I thought we would be in the Magic Kingdom with a few hundred other people and have the run of the park and a front row at every concert....SHOCKER....we weren't in New England any more :-) people came out in droves to see these concerts!!
So it was a very very packed week....and at times I did question WHY are we doing this ?? I felt like herded cattle ......filing in line after line......turnstile after turnstile......I know some would argue with me .....and I know it is a "magical" place....BUT man I was totally over stimulated !! And at times I felt kind of disconnected from the kids.....not a whole lot of time to have a heart to heart in those parks.
Steve and I always enjoy a get away...having kids never slowed us down....pack em' up and hit the road was the way we rolled! Always driving to our destinations......and the kids know that the drive IS part of the vacation.....we talk, read (alittle) listen to music...and LAUGH !! and sometimes having melt downs (none of us are exempt) There is something about being trapped all 6 of us in the van .....my husband loves it......when the kids were little I thought he was crazy but as they've gotten older the time feels alittle more precious....sometimes I just peer back and catch a glimpse on one of them snuggled up on the other one ...awww sweetness !! Sharing headphones ....or snacks.....sneaking the soda under the seat (like I didn't know) just doing NOTHING but being together ....I guess my husband was onto something way before me!!
We laughed so much and so hard on this car trip so many times my sides were hurting...I was literally doubled over as the kids went back and forth joking (mostly on me) but it was so refreshing to just laugh for hours and hours with them !! It also made me realize how our relationships are changing we are relating more on the same level now.....no pulling anything over on this bunch of kids anymore :-)
Then in all the laughter and greasy fast food stops....Steven breaks in with the hard reality " hey you guys know what ?" ...."no what Steven?" kind of thinking he was going to hit us with another joke......but instead he says "Nadia is 14 in 4 more years she could be in college and maybe she won't come on vacation with us" Ok so I braced myself for Steve driving off the road at that comment........WOW 4 lousy years....and then Steven 2 years behind her and Sophia 1 year behind him and then Nicholas 2 years after that.....oh my aching heart!! How fast time flies .....and how precious these memories are to me !!
I am so thankful that my husband had the wisdom to see it ......its not that he likes to "get away" for himself to kick back and rest.....it would have been MUCH more relaxing for him to stay home this past week.....but he tirelessly pushes through park after park (honestly sometimes dragging me) He pushed Sophia in a wheel chair one night because she had a fever and sore throat and felt pretty lousy ....he carries kids ....bags.....(mind you the bags that I bag are NOT light) He keeps us motivated when we start to loose steam.......and has gotten much better at seeing when we are all going to hit the wall :-) I so appreciate that !! He does all the driving...provides all the funding for all our fun .......and is so generous never making us feel that he is stressed about spending all this money in one week ( I grumble much more about that).
Thank you honey....for being so good at making memories .....and I know for however long we have all our kids in the "nest" you will see to making memories that all of us can tuck away in our hearts!!
So even though I don't think the Paiva family are official members of the Disney Fan Club :-) I am an official fan of being a wife to Steve Paiva and mom to Nadia, Steven, Sophia and Nicholas....and I would go just about anywhere with the 5 of them !!
We made it back from Disney ......8 days.....44 hours of driving back and forth....
more gas station pit stops than my hand sanitizer could handle...3 parks...throw in a water park for extra fun....a few rainy afternoons.....one torrential down pour in the magic kingdom...more
fast food than I can to even discuss....if I never eat another chicken finger it WON'T
be too soon!! The lines were next to nothing so we rode our favorite rides multiple times!!
We were in the Magic Kingdom to night for their "Night of Joy" 3 stages set uparound the park with Christian concerts.....We had a front row to see Jeremy Camp, Sanctus Real.....and a not so front row to see Toby Mac, Skillet (insert the earplugs)..... we couldn't even get close to see one of our favorite artist Matthew West....and Nadia wiggled her way into see Group1Crew :-)) ...On a whole it was a fun 2 nights BUT can you say CRAZY !! Wow ..who knew it would be sooooo crowded ...I can assure you NOT us......I think Steve and I thought we would be in the Magic Kingdom with a few hundred other people and have the run of the park and a front row at every concert....SHOCKER....we weren't in New England any more :-) people came out in droves to see these concerts!!
So it was a very very packed week....and at times I did question WHY are we doing this ?? I felt like herded cattle ......filing in line after line......turnstile after turnstile......I know some would argue with me .....and I know it is a "magical" place....BUT man I was totally over stimulated !! And at times I felt kind of disconnected from the kids.....not a whole lot of time to have a heart to heart in those parks.
Steve and I always enjoy a get away...having kids never slowed us down....pack em' up and hit the road was the way we rolled! Always driving to our destinations......and the kids know that the drive IS part of the vacation.....we talk, read (alittle) listen to music...and LAUGH !! and sometimes having melt downs (none of us are exempt) There is something about being trapped all 6 of us in the van .....my husband loves it......when the kids were little I thought he was crazy but as they've gotten older the time feels alittle more precious....sometimes I just peer back and catch a glimpse on one of them snuggled up on the other one ...awww sweetness !! Sharing headphones ....or snacks.....sneaking the soda under the seat (like I didn't know) just doing NOTHING but being together ....I guess my husband was onto something way before me!!
We laughed so much and so hard on this car trip so many times my sides were hurting...I was literally doubled over as the kids went back and forth joking (mostly on me) but it was so refreshing to just laugh for hours and hours with them !! It also made me realize how our relationships are changing we are relating more on the same level now.....no pulling anything over on this bunch of kids anymore :-)
Then in all the laughter and greasy fast food stops....Steven breaks in with the hard reality " hey you guys know what ?" ...."no what Steven?" kind of thinking he was going to hit us with another joke......but instead he says "Nadia is 14 in 4 more years she could be in college and maybe she won't come on vacation with us" Ok so I braced myself for Steve driving off the road at that comment........WOW 4 lousy years....and then Steven 2 years behind her and Sophia 1 year behind him and then Nicholas 2 years after that.....oh my aching heart!! How fast time flies .....and how precious these memories are to me !!
I am so thankful that my husband had the wisdom to see it ......its not that he likes to "get away" for himself to kick back and rest.....it would have been MUCH more relaxing for him to stay home this past week.....but he tirelessly pushes through park after park (honestly sometimes dragging me) He pushed Sophia in a wheel chair one night because she had a fever and sore throat and felt pretty lousy ....he carries kids ....bags.....(mind you the bags that I bag are NOT light) He keeps us motivated when we start to loose steam.......and has gotten much better at seeing when we are all going to hit the wall :-) I so appreciate that !! He does all the driving...provides all the funding for all our fun .......and is so generous never making us feel that he is stressed about spending all this money in one week ( I grumble much more about that).
Thank you honey....for being so good at making memories .....and I know for however long we have all our kids in the "nest" you will see to making memories that all of us can tuck away in our hearts!!
So even though I don't think the Paiva family are official members of the Disney Fan Club :-) I am an official fan of being a wife to Steve Paiva and mom to Nadia, Steven, Sophia and Nicholas....and I would go just about anywhere with the 5 of them !!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Nadia Rose Turns 14
I know I only seem to blog when I am feeling sentimental....but writing helps me keep from blubbering all over the place and direct my feelings into something productive and less messy !!
My Nadia Rose 14 today .....NO WAY !! Where did that go.....I mentioned that country song to Steve last night "Don't Blink" Well we must have blinked because we got a girl well on her way to 18.....and it seems like yesterday I was rocking her and kissing those chubby cheeks !! Now she is looking at me eye to eye ...capable of more than I want to admit......confident in ways that are beyond her years....beautiful deep down inside but that can't help but to burst to the surface. Sometimes when I am working side by side with her I glance over and I am caught totally off guard...she is more woman than girl now. There are times when I see her dancing with her daddy and I can picture her standing on his feet....and I can see the twinge of sadness in his eyes when he realizes how even though she will always be his little girl...she is no longer little. I savor those moments when her guard is down and one of her siblings (usually her brothers) get her giggling and I catch a glimpse of my funny little Nadia !!
As a mom I feel the shift.....I feel the difference in the type of "mothering" I need to do. Oh yeah there are days that I need to still lay down the law but for the most part I am needed as gentle guide...not a forceful hand holding on with a death grip.....no I get to save that for Nicholas :-) I've had to move the fence out a bit give some more grazing space......not always doing a happy dance over that one. But when I see her make good choices (and I often do) its a humbling feeling knowing that she has caught some of what we've been teaching.....it hasn't fallen on deaf ears or a hard heart. Its all we can pray and hope for as parents.
On a day like today I can't help but reflect......Nadia being our oldest has been at times the "guinea pig" so to speak....I mean really who has a clue on how hard it is to be a parent until you are in the thick of it. Those first few years are filled with trial and many errors......When you finally find your groove as a parents well maybe your other kids reap the benefits but by then the first born is well on their way. But Nadia was and always has been our easy going girl.....always gone with the flow.....even when family life with toddlers was stressful she never added stress into it....she was as first borns usually are independent and determined (still is). I remember the weekend I found out I was pregnant with Sophia ....we went out to buy 'big girl" underwear because the thought of 3 in diapers was paralyzing me.....with in a day I was confident I would only have 2 in diapers.....thats how things rolled with Nadia :-)
On days like today I can't help but to dream......and DREAM BIG !! Lord what do you have in store for my red-headed girl !! My prayer is that she will follow the Lord where He leads her....and that Steve and I won't hold her back in any way by wanting to hold onto her to tightly. I want her to flourish and grow.....using all the gifts that come naturally to her and developing the gifts that she has not even discovered she has.
On days like today I can't help but thank God for the day that Nadia Rose came into my life....her dad always tells her "she changed his life forever" and I totally agree.....from for the first second I laid eyes on her I have never been the same. Its an amazing feeling the first moments of motherhood you feel things down deep in places that you never knew you had and you never go back to the person you were before. Everything you do and every move you make is for your babies ......it who you are now.....and those kids are at the core of you now and you will do anything and EVERYTHING to make sure they are fulfilled physically and emotionally and spiritually. You can't even imagine love like that before you are a mom !!
Well happy 14th Nadia Rose......I know I've said it a million times but being your mom is one of the greatest blessing in my life.......I cherish every year and look forward to all that God has for us as mother and daughter :-)
My Nadia Rose 14 today .....NO WAY !! Where did that go.....I mentioned that country song to Steve last night "Don't Blink" Well we must have blinked because we got a girl well on her way to 18.....and it seems like yesterday I was rocking her and kissing those chubby cheeks !! Now she is looking at me eye to eye ...capable of more than I want to admit......confident in ways that are beyond her years....beautiful deep down inside but that can't help but to burst to the surface. Sometimes when I am working side by side with her I glance over and I am caught totally off guard...she is more woman than girl now. There are times when I see her dancing with her daddy and I can picture her standing on his feet....and I can see the twinge of sadness in his eyes when he realizes how even though she will always be his little girl...she is no longer little. I savor those moments when her guard is down and one of her siblings (usually her brothers) get her giggling and I catch a glimpse of my funny little Nadia !!
As a mom I feel the shift.....I feel the difference in the type of "mothering" I need to do. Oh yeah there are days that I need to still lay down the law but for the most part I am needed as gentle guide...not a forceful hand holding on with a death grip.....no I get to save that for Nicholas :-) I've had to move the fence out a bit give some more grazing space......not always doing a happy dance over that one. But when I see her make good choices (and I often do) its a humbling feeling knowing that she has caught some of what we've been teaching.....it hasn't fallen on deaf ears or a hard heart. Its all we can pray and hope for as parents.
On a day like today I can't help but reflect......Nadia being our oldest has been at times the "guinea pig" so to speak....I mean really who has a clue on how hard it is to be a parent until you are in the thick of it. Those first few years are filled with trial and many errors......When you finally find your groove as a parents well maybe your other kids reap the benefits but by then the first born is well on their way. But Nadia was and always has been our easy going girl.....always gone with the flow.....even when family life with toddlers was stressful she never added stress into it....she was as first borns usually are independent and determined (still is). I remember the weekend I found out I was pregnant with Sophia ....we went out to buy 'big girl" underwear because the thought of 3 in diapers was paralyzing me.....with in a day I was confident I would only have 2 in diapers.....thats how things rolled with Nadia :-)
On days like today I can't help but to dream......and DREAM BIG !! Lord what do you have in store for my red-headed girl !! My prayer is that she will follow the Lord where He leads her....and that Steve and I won't hold her back in any way by wanting to hold onto her to tightly. I want her to flourish and grow.....using all the gifts that come naturally to her and developing the gifts that she has not even discovered she has.
On days like today I can't help but thank God for the day that Nadia Rose came into my life....her dad always tells her "she changed his life forever" and I totally agree.....from for the first second I laid eyes on her I have never been the same. Its an amazing feeling the first moments of motherhood you feel things down deep in places that you never knew you had and you never go back to the person you were before. Everything you do and every move you make is for your babies ......it who you are now.....and those kids are at the core of you now and you will do anything and EVERYTHING to make sure they are fulfilled physically and emotionally and spiritually. You can't even imagine love like that before you are a mom !!
Well happy 14th Nadia Rose......I know I've said it a million times but being your mom is one of the greatest blessing in my life.......I cherish every year and look forward to all that God has for us as mother and daughter :-)
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
on running the race
Sometimes I can grow very weary.....and I hear myself saying things like "I am just tired" or "I am done with this" or "I can't do this anymore" or at my lowest point "I quit"
As soon as the words are out of my mouth I regret phrases like that....now I am drastic by nature ....so of course I know very well I am not done....or quitting...or quite frankly many times I am not even tired. I can tell you what I am doing depending on myself to hold this whole thing together. On my own power I can't go very far.....at all. Sometimes when I get to this point I expect my husband to "power" me....to "carry" my load or make everything just right for me. Wow that's a lot of pressure to put on another person who has there own set of stresses and worries. He is an awful good sport about it though and very supportive and does try hard to relieve me and encourage me....but if I am honest even that falls short in so many ways.
So when I get to this point what am I to do? Run full force to the only one who can keep me filled up with the grace, patience, mercy and love. You see I don't have the option to quit or walk away when things get too tough.....and really I don't want to .....I totally hate when I even think those thoughts, never mind hearing them uttered out of my mouth. So I need to prevent myself from getting to that point of hitting the wall. I need to like any good runner (because you know that I am) I need to train.....and plan for the steep hills.....for the blazing hot temps and the calloused feet that I am surely going to get from pounding the same pavement over and over. I need to fill up on the goodness the Lord has for me so that I will be able to willingly pour out into the lives around me. When I am just taking a smidge of what the Lord has quite honestly I am not as willing to give it away....I start to horde......selfishly keep it stashed away. My God is generous I only need to ask.
So why don't I ? Pride......I can do this all on my own.....be a loving, supportive wife.....love my kids also educate them and raise them to do mighty things for the kingdom.....have a tidy house and serve 3 hot meals a day.....be a kind and concerned friend....and a daughter who blesses her parents....and minister at church.....and and and.....ok so it is pride ...because on my own I can't even begin to scratch the surface of this list....even as I typed this out I could feel the anxiety creep in .....as I shooed it away!!
I need to put that pride aside in order fully do all that the Lord has asked of me.....he has not asked of me more than he has provided for me. When I say that or type that now I do believe it. Tomorrow when I am teaching four kids and my laundry in high....and dishwasher full and I have squabbled with my husband and I don't feel very good about how I am managing things will I be willing to STOP everything and ask for the Lord to fill me up so I have enough to pour out. He alone has enough for me in all areas of my life !!
As soon as the words are out of my mouth I regret phrases like that....now I am drastic by nature ....so of course I know very well I am not done....or quitting...or quite frankly many times I am not even tired. I can tell you what I am doing depending on myself to hold this whole thing together. On my own power I can't go very far.....at all. Sometimes when I get to this point I expect my husband to "power" me....to "carry" my load or make everything just right for me. Wow that's a lot of pressure to put on another person who has there own set of stresses and worries. He is an awful good sport about it though and very supportive and does try hard to relieve me and encourage me....but if I am honest even that falls short in so many ways.
So when I get to this point what am I to do? Run full force to the only one who can keep me filled up with the grace, patience, mercy and love. You see I don't have the option to quit or walk away when things get too tough.....and really I don't want to .....I totally hate when I even think those thoughts, never mind hearing them uttered out of my mouth. So I need to prevent myself from getting to that point of hitting the wall. I need to like any good runner (because you know that I am) I need to train.....and plan for the steep hills.....for the blazing hot temps and the calloused feet that I am surely going to get from pounding the same pavement over and over. I need to fill up on the goodness the Lord has for me so that I will be able to willingly pour out into the lives around me. When I am just taking a smidge of what the Lord has quite honestly I am not as willing to give it away....I start to horde......selfishly keep it stashed away. My God is generous I only need to ask.
So why don't I ? Pride......I can do this all on my own.....be a loving, supportive wife.....love my kids also educate them and raise them to do mighty things for the kingdom.....have a tidy house and serve 3 hot meals a day.....be a kind and concerned friend....and a daughter who blesses her parents....and minister at church.....and and and.....ok so it is pride ...because on my own I can't even begin to scratch the surface of this list....even as I typed this out I could feel the anxiety creep in .....as I shooed it away!!
I need to put that pride aside in order fully do all that the Lord has asked of me.....he has not asked of me more than he has provided for me. When I say that or type that now I do believe it. Tomorrow when I am teaching four kids and my laundry in high....and dishwasher full and I have squabbled with my husband and I don't feel very good about how I am managing things will I be willing to STOP everything and ask for the Lord to fill me up so I have enough to pour out. He alone has enough for me in all areas of my life !!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
David Crowder Band - Come Thou Fount
Prone to wander......Lord I feel it.....Prone to leave the God I love .....Here's my heart Lord take and seal it ....Seal it for Thy courts above....
I love the honesty of these few lines.......Because aren't we all so prone to wander?......in times of confusion, heart-ache, troubles.....don't we want to wander or sometimes run.....or in times of prosperity and calm.....wandering is almost effortless, we look up and realize with out any thought we've wandered from the One we love.
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee........
Bind thy wandering heart to thee...... I can picture my Heavenly Father taking one of those baby leashes (that I really don't like) and leashing His holy and perfect heart to my sinful heart !! Never letting me wander to far from Him. Letting me only wander far enough to know with out being fettered to Him I am a prisoner to sin and everything ugly in this world !
Take my heart, O and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above.......
Giving over my free will......letting the Lord have it all.......for His kingdom ! Seal it....mark me .....stamp me......tag me "Child of the King" Let me not forget who I belong to.....This has been a thought of mine lately.....we love to "belong".....to our family....to our work......to our clubs and sports.....to our friends.....to our churches...... I've had this feeling lately that the only place the Lord really desires us to find our belonging is in HIM ..and Him alone. Sometimes He brings us through a process of shaking us loose from all those other things and making us aware that we are still ok......it is painful this shaking process. When I feel shaken from familiar things I can feel that God is absent ....but it's in those times that He wants to make himself ever more present to me. He has cleared the stage of my heart, so to speak to be the opening act in my life once again. How easy I can crowd him off the stage....with "good" things ......"church" things...."holy" things. Only to realize that in all the meetings and running to and fro......I am not hearing Him clearly.....He is in the distant....a faint hum.....or whisper.....but more and more I can tune Him out and replace it with my own will. Take my heart........seal it .......seal it for Thy courts above..............Bind my wandering will to your perfect plan.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Surprise!!
Today Sophia Elizabeth Paiva is 11 !! Wowie... That is all I can say! She is in my "baby" bunch being grouped together with Nick and in which I label the "younger ones" . I see the glare she gives me when I refer to her like this....but its how it works out in my head....the older 2 and the younger 2.
But it doesn't seem real to me that she is 11. We went and got our nails done today and to Taco Bell (just the 2 of us) and I watched this girl of mine.....where does the time go? Is this little curly haired baby who my mom use to call the opera singer because of the pitch she could reach when she fussed and who was happiest safe in my arms...how is she 11? How am I 38 !! How faithful is my God to give me such a treasures in my life.
I think God is awesome at giving surprises.......and Sophia was one of those God surprises ! After struggling with staying pregnant and then being blessed to adopt Nadia and give birth to Steven all with in a few months of each other. I was pretty satisfied that God had heard my cry (and it was a guttural cry) but He had been faithful and I was a happy mommy settling into a little routine. Then SURPRISE another one on the way.... I can still picture Steve's smile from ear to ear.....and my panic was way off the scale !! But once again God was faithful and His plan is always so much better than mine! I am so glad he knows enough NOT to let me plan my days.....it would be such a bore...so safe and predictable!
So having 3 kids in a period of 20 months was NOT boring! It was full of surprises and blessings and challenges! But through it all God has always faithful to me....when we went ahead and started planning to adopt Nicholas ......He walked by our sides even when it felt scary and uncertain He saw us through to getting our 4 kids home, which ever way they came to us .....it's all a God SURPRISE to me!! Sometimes I picture God peeking around a corner and shouting "surprise Heather......this is your blessing from me!!"
That's how I feel today as I look at Sophia ....11 years later I am still blown away that God saw fit to have her be my little girl.....I remember those early days I would wake up an just hold her in the middle of the night. She was such gentle baby....she would just look at me with her big eyes and she seemed to be in awe of me, her mommy.....and really what did I do for her....a little food, clean diaper, comfy bed.....How much more in awe should I be for what God does for me each and every day.......faithful.......true.........steadfast.......and yes he is a God full of surprises!!
Happy Birthday Sophia ....I love you my sweet girl!!
But it doesn't seem real to me that she is 11. We went and got our nails done today and to Taco Bell (just the 2 of us) and I watched this girl of mine.....where does the time go? Is this little curly haired baby who my mom use to call the opera singer because of the pitch she could reach when she fussed and who was happiest safe in my arms...how is she 11? How am I 38 !! How faithful is my God to give me such a treasures in my life.
I think God is awesome at giving surprises.......and Sophia was one of those God surprises ! After struggling with staying pregnant and then being blessed to adopt Nadia and give birth to Steven all with in a few months of each other. I was pretty satisfied that God had heard my cry (and it was a guttural cry) but He had been faithful and I was a happy mommy settling into a little routine. Then SURPRISE another one on the way.... I can still picture Steve's smile from ear to ear.....and my panic was way off the scale !! But once again God was faithful and His plan is always so much better than mine! I am so glad he knows enough NOT to let me plan my days.....it would be such a bore...so safe and predictable!
So having 3 kids in a period of 20 months was NOT boring! It was full of surprises and blessings and challenges! But through it all God has always faithful to me....when we went ahead and started planning to adopt Nicholas ......He walked by our sides even when it felt scary and uncertain He saw us through to getting our 4 kids home, which ever way they came to us .....it's all a God SURPRISE to me!! Sometimes I picture God peeking around a corner and shouting "surprise Heather......this is your blessing from me!!"
That's how I feel today as I look at Sophia ....11 years later I am still blown away that God saw fit to have her be my little girl.....I remember those early days I would wake up an just hold her in the middle of the night. She was such gentle baby....she would just look at me with her big eyes and she seemed to be in awe of me, her mommy.....and really what did I do for her....a little food, clean diaper, comfy bed.....How much more in awe should I be for what God does for me each and every day.......faithful.......true.........steadfast.......and yes he is a God full of surprises!!
Happy Birthday Sophia ....I love you my sweet girl!!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
a momentary soapbox
OK first of all it takes me like 5 minutes each time I want to post something to find out where to do it. Is that a sign that I shouldn't have a blog in the first place? I am a little tech challenged I admit...but I will persevere eventually I will get the hang of it....don't you think? Getting the hang of it was just whats been running through my mind these past few days. Like when do my kids get the hang of the fact I don't like the wrestling in the living room or when do they get the hang of putting glasses in the sink or socks in the laundry. How many times do you have to say something to someone before it CLICKS or before you just throw up your hands and give up.
So since Christmas, as a family have been reading through parts of the New Testament aloud. Side note I do love hearing the sound of my kids reading scripture....its some of the sweetest moments of my day. Also how can you go to bed mad a the little darlings when they just finished reading the fruits of the Holy Spirit to you. It is very affective for family peacemaking ;-) and I say that I know with a bit of sarcasm, but I really do mean it. So getting back to my original thought of "getting the hang" of things. It strikes me night after night as we read and listen to God's word, how clear it all is. I mean its not a message that needs decoding or a translator or a special set of glasses to read. Well let me pause there the one thing it does require is an open pliable heart, but if we have that we can read the scripture like a handy set of blueprints for living. Not a set of rules and regulations but rather a set of guidelines for holiness. Like the bumpers I love so much that keep my bowling ball from going in the gutter over and over again. Like the concrete barriers that I love to see on the side of a steep road. We need those things in life to keep us from going off course. The Bible is there for us too, in just the same way, keeping us on course in our families, churches and other relationships.
Hence the nagging question...when do we get the hang of it.....when do we stop merely reading the blueprints but start doing what they say. Yes I know we do a good job at some of it, mostly the easy stuff...most of us don't murder ( well unless you count that scripture that talks about killing with our tongues..ouch) we keep holy the sabbath...we love with a Corinthians 13 love...until someone crosses us. We take a brother to confront a brother just like it says in Matthew.....but then when that doesn't work .....what do we do....do we delve into the Bible a little deeper search for what the blueprints says or at that point do we venture out on our own to muck it all up.
You see I picture God ever patient and merciful in Heaven I wonder if he ever has days that he wants to throw up his holy hands and say "when oh when will they ever get the hang of it I had it all written down for them, I laid it all out... how to have a healthy functioning family, how to have peace and unity in MY church, even how to care for the widow and the orphan and yet they try it on their own." Now of course I am sure he would say it a lot holier than that but I think you can get to gist of it. I get frustrated over little things my kids forget to do....and I shake my finger and say when are you going to remember this or that. Thankfully God doesn't deal with us that way. He just gently leads us back to his Word, guides us back to where it is ever so clear, so plain. Why can't we get the hang of it? That is what I've been thinking about as I write this and I came up with a few things.
First we complicate the blueprints...adding when it suits us and leaving out things when we would rather not abide by certain things. We also don't know or recognize the blueprints, we haven't made ourselves familiar about what God has to say, until we run into an issue and then we go willy-nilly searching for something that may fit the situation. The last thing I thought of and know this to be true in my life, we just disregard the blueprints when it feels too hard or uncomfortable.
So when do we get the hang of it? I am sure I will never get it 100% till I am home in heaven. But I do want to do a better job of reading and abiding by God's Word.
As Deuteronomy 6 says These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk with them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hand and bind them on your foreheads. Write then on the door frame of your house and your gate.
I love this scripture because it paints the picture of the Lords commandments being in every part of my life and that is what I want......I want to get the hang of this.....I want my family to get the hang of it ....I want to be in relationships with friends who also get it.....the importance of living God's Word....I want to be at a church where God's Word is not pushed aside out of convenience, rather it is the only thing that we cling to grow us, heal, restore and revive us. Until we "tie as a symbol and bind them to our foreheads" weave them into every part of our life ....we will always be striving.....trying.....starting and stopping......and wondering why we can't really get the hang of it.....time is too short to waste to skip the directions!!
So since Christmas, as a family have been reading through parts of the New Testament aloud. Side note I do love hearing the sound of my kids reading scripture....its some of the sweetest moments of my day. Also how can you go to bed mad a the little darlings when they just finished reading the fruits of the Holy Spirit to you. It is very affective for family peacemaking ;-) and I say that I know with a bit of sarcasm, but I really do mean it. So getting back to my original thought of "getting the hang" of things. It strikes me night after night as we read and listen to God's word, how clear it all is. I mean its not a message that needs decoding or a translator or a special set of glasses to read. Well let me pause there the one thing it does require is an open pliable heart, but if we have that we can read the scripture like a handy set of blueprints for living. Not a set of rules and regulations but rather a set of guidelines for holiness. Like the bumpers I love so much that keep my bowling ball from going in the gutter over and over again. Like the concrete barriers that I love to see on the side of a steep road. We need those things in life to keep us from going off course. The Bible is there for us too, in just the same way, keeping us on course in our families, churches and other relationships.
Hence the nagging question...when do we get the hang of it.....when do we stop merely reading the blueprints but start doing what they say. Yes I know we do a good job at some of it, mostly the easy stuff...most of us don't murder ( well unless you count that scripture that talks about killing with our tongues..ouch) we keep holy the sabbath...we love with a Corinthians 13 love...until someone crosses us. We take a brother to confront a brother just like it says in Matthew.....but then when that doesn't work .....what do we do....do we delve into the Bible a little deeper search for what the blueprints says or at that point do we venture out on our own to muck it all up.
You see I picture God ever patient and merciful in Heaven I wonder if he ever has days that he wants to throw up his holy hands and say "when oh when will they ever get the hang of it I had it all written down for them, I laid it all out... how to have a healthy functioning family, how to have peace and unity in MY church, even how to care for the widow and the orphan and yet they try it on their own." Now of course I am sure he would say it a lot holier than that but I think you can get to gist of it. I get frustrated over little things my kids forget to do....and I shake my finger and say when are you going to remember this or that. Thankfully God doesn't deal with us that way. He just gently leads us back to his Word, guides us back to where it is ever so clear, so plain. Why can't we get the hang of it? That is what I've been thinking about as I write this and I came up with a few things.
First we complicate the blueprints...adding when it suits us and leaving out things when we would rather not abide by certain things. We also don't know or recognize the blueprints, we haven't made ourselves familiar about what God has to say, until we run into an issue and then we go willy-nilly searching for something that may fit the situation. The last thing I thought of and know this to be true in my life, we just disregard the blueprints when it feels too hard or uncomfortable.
So when do we get the hang of it? I am sure I will never get it 100% till I am home in heaven. But I do want to do a better job of reading and abiding by God's Word.
As Deuteronomy 6 says These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk with them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hand and bind them on your foreheads. Write then on the door frame of your house and your gate.
I love this scripture because it paints the picture of the Lords commandments being in every part of my life and that is what I want......I want to get the hang of this.....I want my family to get the hang of it ....I want to be in relationships with friends who also get it.....the importance of living God's Word....I want to be at a church where God's Word is not pushed aside out of convenience, rather it is the only thing that we cling to grow us, heal, restore and revive us. Until we "tie as a symbol and bind them to our foreheads" weave them into every part of our life ....we will always be striving.....trying.....starting and stopping......and wondering why we can't really get the hang of it.....time is too short to waste to skip the directions!!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A rant ....bear with me please
Ok I was told to always start with the positive .....what a beautiful snowy day it is. Sun glistening, boys playing in the snow, girls sitting here reading aloud to each other. AHHH got to love it!!
I should be doing my after lunch exercising, but I can not get this one thing out of my mind.. its haunting me ....chasing me.... like nagging thoughts often do. So there is only one thing for me to do, get it out....vent a bit....rant a tad....blow off some steam and then go on with the day!! Sorry I wish I could let this one pass me by ...can't do it....
Ok so this morning listening to Christian radio I heard a news clip.....Florida public schools may start in 2011-12 school year, having the teachers along with giving out the student grades (on report cards), they will be "grading" the parents performance based on their involvement at the school. Like "E" for excellent, "S" for satisfactory, and the dreaded "U" for unsatisfactory!
Ok so now most of you know I am not against parental involvement ...since of course I am the pinnacle of parental involvement home schooling my own kids. So where the rub really lies for me is in the public school requiring one adult to "grade" another!! I mean come on.....is that really necessary ? Have we become that inept as parents that we need our peers to grade us? Yes our peers.....I know we need to guide our children to respect their teachers. But are they our teachers?? They should be part of a "team" effort to educate YOUR child.....but you should both be coaches of that team. This puts the parent and child on one level and the teacher superior to them both.
That does not sit right with me.....not that you could not have guessed that by now ;-)
I find this policy very manipulating if nothing else.....OK parents you aren't volunteering on your own so now we will embarrass you into it. We one group of adults(teachers) who are getting paid by another group of adults(parents) will grade you. Which means for most of you, that you will have to take time off from work or find sitters for other children, tweak schedules etc....and if not my perception of what your effort has been will be written in bold on your child's next report card. So not only will you know that you have "failed" as a parent but your child will know it too!! How sad is that!! As if we as parents don't put enough pressure on ourselves.
Oh my !! I can tell you what I think.....I think if anyone should be getting grades it should be the teachers and the school departments. Now I know many great teachers whose hearts are in their jobs. So don't think for a minute I am putting the blame solely on them.
My point is not to give teachers a hard time. Let's be honest they are not the ones that put this policy in place. Its just another thing for them to do...another thing to take time away from the students. Its the higher ups that would love to control just a little more of us. It's like when you send your kid to school now a days...they "belong" to the school ...no longer yours....and apparently that wasn't enough for them....they want you too! If you don't fall in line with that your report card will reflect your unwillingness!
Don't get me wrong I think if your kids are in school you should be involved....I did the drill...."room" mother for the few years my kids were in school. If there was a need and I could help the teacher, for the good of my child I was there. Two key words in that last sentence "could" and "if". I did not think it was my job to make the teachers job easier.... just my child's school experience more enjoyable. I think the lines have been blurred a little.
Hey you know what would make me feel much better about this situation? If the teachers can volunteer to come home with those parents who volunteer in the clasrooms in Florida. Do some laundry, finish the undone work projects, do a few errands, wash some dishes....... and then the parents could grade them....its only fair!
Come people lets be careful not to give it all away......... we better wake up before its too late and we no longer have any rights as parents !!
Ok rants done.....ahhhhhh I feel much better.......off to exercise!!
I should be doing my after lunch exercising, but I can not get this one thing out of my mind.. its haunting me ....chasing me.... like nagging thoughts often do. So there is only one thing for me to do, get it out....vent a bit....rant a tad....blow off some steam and then go on with the day!! Sorry I wish I could let this one pass me by ...can't do it....
Ok so this morning listening to Christian radio I heard a news clip.....Florida public schools may start in 2011-12 school year, having the teachers along with giving out the student grades (on report cards), they will be "grading" the parents performance based on their involvement at the school. Like "E" for excellent, "S" for satisfactory, and the dreaded "U" for unsatisfactory!
Ok so now most of you know I am not against parental involvement ...since of course I am the pinnacle of parental involvement home schooling my own kids. So where the rub really lies for me is in the public school requiring one adult to "grade" another!! I mean come on.....is that really necessary ? Have we become that inept as parents that we need our peers to grade us? Yes our peers.....I know we need to guide our children to respect their teachers. But are they our teachers?? They should be part of a "team" effort to educate YOUR child.....but you should both be coaches of that team. This puts the parent and child on one level and the teacher superior to them both.
That does not sit right with me.....not that you could not have guessed that by now ;-)
I find this policy very manipulating if nothing else.....OK parents you aren't volunteering on your own so now we will embarrass you into it. We one group of adults(teachers) who are getting paid by another group of adults(parents) will grade you. Which means for most of you, that you will have to take time off from work or find sitters for other children, tweak schedules etc....and if not my perception of what your effort has been will be written in bold on your child's next report card. So not only will you know that you have "failed" as a parent but your child will know it too!! How sad is that!! As if we as parents don't put enough pressure on ourselves.
Oh my !! I can tell you what I think.....I think if anyone should be getting grades it should be the teachers and the school departments. Now I know many great teachers whose hearts are in their jobs. So don't think for a minute I am putting the blame solely on them.
My point is not to give teachers a hard time. Let's be honest they are not the ones that put this policy in place. Its just another thing for them to do...another thing to take time away from the students. Its the higher ups that would love to control just a little more of us. It's like when you send your kid to school now a days...they "belong" to the school ...no longer yours....and apparently that wasn't enough for them....they want you too! If you don't fall in line with that your report card will reflect your unwillingness!
Don't get me wrong I think if your kids are in school you should be involved....I did the drill...."room" mother for the few years my kids were in school. If there was a need and I could help the teacher, for the good of my child I was there. Two key words in that last sentence "could" and "if". I did not think it was my job to make the teachers job easier.... just my child's school experience more enjoyable. I think the lines have been blurred a little.
Hey you know what would make me feel much better about this situation? If the teachers can volunteer to come home with those parents who volunteer in the clasrooms in Florida. Do some laundry, finish the undone work projects, do a few errands, wash some dishes....... and then the parents could grade them....its only fair!
Come people lets be careful not to give it all away......... we better wake up before its too late and we no longer have any rights as parents !!
Ok rants done.....ahhhhhh I feel much better.......off to exercise!!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Taking it slow
Well another snow day is upon us :-) yippee....I think?
I had a overwhelming feeling from God today to savor it, don't fight it.... don't complain about the lessons not done.....or the wet floors from melting snow, or the boots, mittens, hats, scarves, snowpants and coats strewn all over my back hall, or the hot chocolate cups piled in the sink.
Sometimes I need a reminder from God to just "go with it". After all He gave us the seasons....He has set everything in order.
So maybe there is something divine about a slew of snowdays or maybe I could just choose to look at it as divine. Either way today I am going to "go with it".
.
I am tucking the list away.(the mental one too) Not thinking about what I can't get done because the roads are slippery. Not complaining ...which I do entirely too much of anyways. Sometimes it hits me how little control I have over all this "stuff" anyways. In the grand scheme of life another missed math lesson, or one less chapter read isn't going to make or break any of my kids. Seeing a mom roll with the unexpected and be joy filled over life's "little" delights such as SNOW may be something they remember when life sends them a curve ball. It maybe something much more serious than a hand full of snow delays. I want to instill resilience in my brood. I want them to look at a change of plans with the enthusiasm. That is something that my husband does really well and I've learned from him (or trying to learn)...no detour is too big for him not to have a plan B up his sleeve, and by the end of the day you look back and realize plan A wouldn't have been half as exciting!!
I don't want to whine......I want to "go with it"
Don't brashly announce what you are going to do tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Proverbs 27:1
I had a overwhelming feeling from God today to savor it, don't fight it.... don't complain about the lessons not done.....or the wet floors from melting snow, or the boots, mittens, hats, scarves, snowpants and coats strewn all over my back hall, or the hot chocolate cups piled in the sink.
Sometimes I need a reminder from God to just "go with it". After all He gave us the seasons....He has set everything in order.
So maybe there is something divine about a slew of snowdays or maybe I could just choose to look at it as divine. Either way today I am going to "go with it".
.
I am tucking the list away.(the mental one too) Not thinking about what I can't get done because the roads are slippery. Not complaining ...which I do entirely too much of anyways. Sometimes it hits me how little control I have over all this "stuff" anyways. In the grand scheme of life another missed math lesson, or one less chapter read isn't going to make or break any of my kids. Seeing a mom roll with the unexpected and be joy filled over life's "little" delights such as SNOW may be something they remember when life sends them a curve ball. It maybe something much more serious than a hand full of snow delays. I want to instill resilience in my brood. I want them to look at a change of plans with the enthusiasm. That is something that my husband does really well and I've learned from him (or trying to learn)...no detour is too big for him not to have a plan B up his sleeve, and by the end of the day you look back and realize plan A wouldn't have been half as exciting!!
I don't want to whine......I want to "go with it"
Don't brashly announce what you are going to do tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Proverbs 27:1
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Friendships
One of the biggest challenges that we face these days in our house is navigating through all the friendships.
Honestly I feel like its a full time job some days. Who is insulted ? Who is being left out? Who is leaving out? Who said what to who? Why she or he is not my friend any more!
Then you have best friends, BFF's, friendships that involve 3's (that's always a treat) , family friends, church friends, childhood friends.....I think you get my point....
Some days I am tempted to say NO FRIENDS.....hey you have each other, there are 4 of you that's more friends than most people have.....so be happy!! AHHH wouldn't that be grand....
Then I think of all the lessons I have learned and still seem to be learning through my friendships. Friendships have blessed my life ....challenged my emotional and spiritual growth. Friends have urged me out of my selfishness and stretched me beyond my original limits. Friends have allowed me to be me and also encouraged me to reach beyond myself and my self made limitations.
That being said I have felt pain and hurt in friendships also. Friendships that make you question WHY am I friends with this person? People who lean to much on you...require way more out of you than they are ever willing to give. Friends who only want to be friends with you SO they can be friends with someone you already have a relationship with. Friends that use you, belittle you, control your every move, and make you feel less than when you are with them or you don't fall in line with their plans.
These are the friends that when I see them heading for my kids I am like a Mama bear defending my cubs! Knowing all to well that as much as I try, they are all going to experience the sting of one of those "friends". Also knowing that after that relationship is over the sweetness of a pure friendship will make them aware of sourness that some put into our lives. Making them wiser in giving their time, heart, and loyalty so easily.
Honestly, I have had very true friends in my life. At almost 40 (shhhhh!) I am blessed to have a husband who is my best friend. Who carries the burden of hearing it all.....who has the spot of "forever friend" . Well as long as the Lord sees fit. I am truly blessed to have parents who I consider my friends also. Each of them holding a unique role in my life. It's a unique transition when you go from just child to child/friend with your parents. My prayer now is that I get to experience that with my own.
For a long period of my adult life I would say that, that is where my friendships ended. Oh I had those short bouts of being friendly with people. Friends through my marriage...or church....or kids. For the most part they were surface relationships and left me feeling unfulfilled. I can put it to you this way I was pretty poor in friends.....and now I feel about the richest girl in town!
I feel like God took his big friend shaker and seasoned my life !! As He sprinkled over my life He used not just one flavor but many unique ones! Some who add zest, some who add sweetness, and others that even at first taste may seem sour I have learned to acquire a taste for. My life is full of the spice of friends and I am truly grateful.
So as much as dealing with my kids friendships may challenge me at times how could I jip them of the richness that they bring into your life. So it may take them many years to find that one person they consider a true friend...the stepping stones along the way prepare you for the friend that person may need. Prepare them to listen more, judge less, to be truthful and kind....to think of others before yourself, to remember that your words do hurt...and once its said it can't be taken back. That being said they need to learn to be gracious in extending and accepting forgiveness. They need to learn to love....and put themselves last...
My command is this: love one another as I have loved you. Greater love as no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13
I want to raise children who know the true gift and sacrifice of laying down your life for others.........friendships are a great training ground for that.
Honestly I feel like its a full time job some days. Who is insulted ? Who is being left out? Who is leaving out? Who said what to who? Why she or he is not my friend any more!
Then you have best friends, BFF's, friendships that involve 3's (that's always a treat) , family friends, church friends, childhood friends.....I think you get my point....
Some days I am tempted to say NO FRIENDS.....hey you have each other, there are 4 of you that's more friends than most people have.....so be happy!! AHHH wouldn't that be grand....
Then I think of all the lessons I have learned and still seem to be learning through my friendships. Friendships have blessed my life ....challenged my emotional and spiritual growth. Friends have urged me out of my selfishness and stretched me beyond my original limits. Friends have allowed me to be me and also encouraged me to reach beyond myself and my self made limitations.
That being said I have felt pain and hurt in friendships also. Friendships that make you question WHY am I friends with this person? People who lean to much on you...require way more out of you than they are ever willing to give. Friends who only want to be friends with you SO they can be friends with someone you already have a relationship with. Friends that use you, belittle you, control your every move, and make you feel less than when you are with them or you don't fall in line with their plans.
These are the friends that when I see them heading for my kids I am like a Mama bear defending my cubs! Knowing all to well that as much as I try, they are all going to experience the sting of one of those "friends". Also knowing that after that relationship is over the sweetness of a pure friendship will make them aware of sourness that some put into our lives. Making them wiser in giving their time, heart, and loyalty so easily.
Honestly, I have had very true friends in my life. At almost 40 (shhhhh!) I am blessed to have a husband who is my best friend. Who carries the burden of hearing it all.....who has the spot of "forever friend" . Well as long as the Lord sees fit. I am truly blessed to have parents who I consider my friends also. Each of them holding a unique role in my life. It's a unique transition when you go from just child to child/friend with your parents. My prayer now is that I get to experience that with my own.
For a long period of my adult life I would say that, that is where my friendships ended. Oh I had those short bouts of being friendly with people. Friends through my marriage...or church....or kids. For the most part they were surface relationships and left me feeling unfulfilled. I can put it to you this way I was pretty poor in friends.....and now I feel about the richest girl in town!
I feel like God took his big friend shaker and seasoned my life !! As He sprinkled over my life He used not just one flavor but many unique ones! Some who add zest, some who add sweetness, and others that even at first taste may seem sour I have learned to acquire a taste for. My life is full of the spice of friends and I am truly grateful.
So as much as dealing with my kids friendships may challenge me at times how could I jip them of the richness that they bring into your life. So it may take them many years to find that one person they consider a true friend...the stepping stones along the way prepare you for the friend that person may need. Prepare them to listen more, judge less, to be truthful and kind....to think of others before yourself, to remember that your words do hurt...and once its said it can't be taken back. That being said they need to learn to be gracious in extending and accepting forgiveness. They need to learn to love....and put themselves last...
My command is this: love one another as I have loved you. Greater love as no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13
I want to raise children who know the true gift and sacrifice of laying down your life for others.........friendships are a great training ground for that.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Snow day vs. School day
OK so who was excited when they woke up this morning?
Nothing like waking up to the freshly fallen snow! The world looks so clean and pure.....so like God intended it to be.
The debate started last night in our house whether this would be a school day or not. Of course my kids caught wind that many of their friends schools were off....so they started making their case for a cancellation at Paiva Academy. I was not hearing of it. You see they seem to forget the days we take off when all there school friends are actually IN school. They seem to forget the afternoon trips to the movies or 1/2 days to enjoy a spring day. I can't blame them for forgetting those days they are kids and part of the reason we home school them is so we DO have that freedom to enjoy life! BUT I hold our school calendar and nothing warms my heart more than putting a big X on a day ..as we inch closer to 180 days!
So this morning started to the phone ringing and my husband having the day off due to the snow. I knew my battle would be up hill from there. One by one they all strolled down. Excited and anticipating what the day would hold. They love nothing better than dad having a surprise day off. Nick put his snow pants on right over his p.j.'s . That boy did not want to waste anytime getting outside.
OK did anyone remember that today was a school day???
It doesn't seem that way to me. Should I fight it? We compromised and said we would do schooling in the afternoon after they helped dad with the shoveling sure.....
Well as I peek out the window I see Steven playing with the boy who just moved in across the street....Steven had been to shy to go over and meet him for the past 2 months...but nothing like snow and sleds to bring two boys together. I see Nicholas helping shovel another neighbor whose husband is stuck at work. Sophia is working with her dad getting our driveway cleared . I hear laughs and see kids who are still learning...learning that snow days are opportunities for fun....new friends....helping others ....and spending time with those you love!
How could I exchange this day for some math lessons and spelling tests? These are the days memories are made.....when they all get frozen like popsicles and come in, taking a few inches of snow with them on their hats and boots .....we will all sit down hot chocolate in hand and enjoy the peace of an unexpected day off. What is better than that...precious time that isn't spoken for.
Later on I may sneak in a math drill or two...and we will read our book on the Life of Abraham Lincoln and do our Bible reading.....and when no one else is looking I will take my black pen and put a big fat X over today....yup we did school .....and we loved every minute of it!!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Something about a birthday !!
There is a birthday at our house today!! Steven turns 12 !!
Yes I do wonder where the time has gone !
Yes I do try to cherish each day !
Yes I do realize that I can't freeze time !
I also realize that I am quickly getting a house full of kids who I love to spend time with....talking....debating....laughing and yes sometimes even a few tears.
As one season of diapers and temper tantrums pass me by I am starting to embrace this new season! Now don't think I don't have my soft moments when I see a baby or even get to cuddle with one that I don't long for those tender moments. When all they needed and wanted was their mommy. Now I am in the running for many things that are vying for my kids attention. If I choose to look at life as a challenge .....this season is just going to make me more on my game. Pulling a lollipop out of my purse isn't going to be the highlight of my kids day anymore. Investing some time at the end of a long day, when quite frankly all I want to do is hide away with a book, put me aside to discuss today's heart ache or social dilemma. That is the lollipop my kids are looking now....ME.....and honestly its more work!
Yes sleepless nights were exhausting....temper tantrums were unnerving......bottles, little clothes to wash, dry and fold consumed many waking hours. Honestly most of these things I could do on auto-pilot. Not so for the stage we are in now! There is no pacifier for a hurting heart or a confusing friendship. There is no WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOUR PRE-TEEN ???.......no warning for the change in emotions from high to low and then back again. OK so sometimes there are warnings but its not like an your face dirty diaper ....so if you are not taking the time you miss it. Then like the V8 commercial you slap yourself upside the head and make a promise to stay more in tune next time.
So as another one of my babies ( what they will always be) edges closer to teenhood I guess I have a choice.....its that fork in the road moment......boo-hoo over what use to be.....those sweet mommy and baby moments or look forward to all the moments ahead of us. The moments that I help them navigate through the challenges and triumphs. The moments that we refine each other spiritually ! As I sit here and glance over at the birthday boy busy doing his school work.....I am amazed how much he looks like his dad.....I still see little boy....but I see the making of a man. I sit here and realize 12 years from now it won't really matter much what kind of bottle I used to feed him or what kind educational toys he played with.....but what I invest from here on out will matter the most! What words of wisdom I try to impart to him. Showing him where to invest his heart, his time, his resources. Telling him the truth even when it doesn't make me very popular to his friends or to him. Being there for him even when its very late or very early and it was not on my to-do list :-) Helping him stick to his commitments even when it means the sacrifice is more on MY part than on his.
You know that song The best is yet to come.....one of those older singers sang it.....well I think that's how I am starting to look at my parenting journey. I refuse to sit around mourning the loss of my "totally dependent on me kids". Instead I am rejoicing in my developing, independent, and at times daunting children. They are challenging me out of the complacency and catapulting me into spiritual boot camp. I don't want to be out of shape for the next leg of the journey that lays ahead of us. Its like having a twinkie on the 20th mile of a marathon. In order for me to pour out good things into my kids lives I need to be making sure that I am getting filled with only the best !!
Happy Birthday Steven .....I love being your mom! I anticipate the years ahead will be filled with laughter and joy.....just like the first 12 have!
Yes I do wonder where the time has gone !
Yes I do try to cherish each day !
Yes I do realize that I can't freeze time !
I also realize that I am quickly getting a house full of kids who I love to spend time with....talking....debating....laughing and yes sometimes even a few tears.
As one season of diapers and temper tantrums pass me by I am starting to embrace this new season! Now don't think I don't have my soft moments when I see a baby or even get to cuddle with one that I don't long for those tender moments. When all they needed and wanted was their mommy. Now I am in the running for many things that are vying for my kids attention. If I choose to look at life as a challenge .....this season is just going to make me more on my game. Pulling a lollipop out of my purse isn't going to be the highlight of my kids day anymore. Investing some time at the end of a long day, when quite frankly all I want to do is hide away with a book, put me aside to discuss today's heart ache or social dilemma. That is the lollipop my kids are looking now....ME.....and honestly its more work!
Yes sleepless nights were exhausting....temper tantrums were unnerving......bottles, little clothes to wash, dry and fold consumed many waking hours. Honestly most of these things I could do on auto-pilot. Not so for the stage we are in now! There is no pacifier for a hurting heart or a confusing friendship. There is no WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOUR PRE-TEEN ???.......no warning for the change in emotions from high to low and then back again. OK so sometimes there are warnings but its not like an your face dirty diaper ....so if you are not taking the time you miss it. Then like the V8 commercial you slap yourself upside the head and make a promise to stay more in tune next time.
So as another one of my babies ( what they will always be) edges closer to teenhood I guess I have a choice.....its that fork in the road moment......boo-hoo over what use to be.....those sweet mommy and baby moments or look forward to all the moments ahead of us. The moments that I help them navigate through the challenges and triumphs. The moments that we refine each other spiritually ! As I sit here and glance over at the birthday boy busy doing his school work.....I am amazed how much he looks like his dad.....I still see little boy....but I see the making of a man. I sit here and realize 12 years from now it won't really matter much what kind of bottle I used to feed him or what kind educational toys he played with.....but what I invest from here on out will matter the most! What words of wisdom I try to impart to him. Showing him where to invest his heart, his time, his resources. Telling him the truth even when it doesn't make me very popular to his friends or to him. Being there for him even when its very late or very early and it was not on my to-do list :-) Helping him stick to his commitments even when it means the sacrifice is more on MY part than on his.
You know that song The best is yet to come.....one of those older singers sang it.....well I think that's how I am starting to look at my parenting journey. I refuse to sit around mourning the loss of my "totally dependent on me kids". Instead I am rejoicing in my developing, independent, and at times daunting children. They are challenging me out of the complacency and catapulting me into spiritual boot camp. I don't want to be out of shape for the next leg of the journey that lays ahead of us. Its like having a twinkie on the 20th mile of a marathon. In order for me to pour out good things into my kids lives I need to be making sure that I am getting filled with only the best !!
Happy Birthday Steven .....I love being your mom! I anticipate the years ahead will be filled with laughter and joy.....just like the first 12 have!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)