Ok I was told to always start with the positive .....what a beautiful snowy day it is. Sun glistening, boys playing in the snow, girls sitting here reading aloud to each other. AHHH got to love it!!
I should be doing my after lunch exercising, but I can not get this one thing out of my mind.. its haunting me ....chasing me.... like nagging thoughts often do. So there is only one thing for me to do, get it out....vent a bit....rant a tad....blow off some steam and then go on with the day!! Sorry I wish I could let this one pass me by ...can't do it....
Ok so this morning listening to Christian radio I heard a news clip.....Florida public schools may start in 2011-12 school year, having the teachers along with giving out the student grades (on report cards), they will be "grading" the parents performance based on their involvement at the school. Like "E" for excellent, "S" for satisfactory, and the dreaded "U" for unsatisfactory!
Ok so now most of you know I am not against parental involvement ...since of course I am the pinnacle of parental involvement home schooling my own kids. So where the rub really lies for me is in the public school requiring one adult to "grade" another!! I mean come on.....is that really necessary ? Have we become that inept as parents that we need our peers to grade us? Yes our peers.....I know we need to guide our children to respect their teachers. But are they our teachers?? They should be part of a "team" effort to educate YOUR child.....but you should both be coaches of that team. This puts the parent and child on one level and the teacher superior to them both.
That does not sit right with me.....not that you could not have guessed that by now ;-)
I find this policy very manipulating if nothing else.....OK parents you aren't volunteering on your own so now we will embarrass you into it. We one group of adults(teachers) who are getting paid by another group of adults(parents) will grade you. Which means for most of you, that you will have to take time off from work or find sitters for other children, tweak schedules etc....and if not my perception of what your effort has been will be written in bold on your child's next report card. So not only will you know that you have "failed" as a parent but your child will know it too!! How sad is that!! As if we as parents don't put enough pressure on ourselves.
Oh my !! I can tell you what I think.....I think if anyone should be getting grades it should be the teachers and the school departments. Now I know many great teachers whose hearts are in their jobs. So don't think for a minute I am putting the blame solely on them.
My point is not to give teachers a hard time. Let's be honest they are not the ones that put this policy in place. Its just another thing for them to do...another thing to take time away from the students. Its the higher ups that would love to control just a little more of us. It's like when you send your kid to school now a days...they "belong" to the school ...no longer yours....and apparently that wasn't enough for them....they want you too! If you don't fall in line with that your report card will reflect your unwillingness!
Don't get me wrong I think if your kids are in school you should be involved....I did the drill...."room" mother for the few years my kids were in school. If there was a need and I could help the teacher, for the good of my child I was there. Two key words in that last sentence "could" and "if". I did not think it was my job to make the teachers job easier.... just my child's school experience more enjoyable. I think the lines have been blurred a little.
Hey you know what would make me feel much better about this situation? If the teachers can volunteer to come home with those parents who volunteer in the clasrooms in Florida. Do some laundry, finish the undone work projects, do a few errands, wash some dishes....... and then the parents could grade them....its only fair!
Come people lets be careful not to give it all away......... we better wake up before its too late and we no longer have any rights as parents !!
Ok rants done.....ahhhhhh I feel much better.......off to exercise!!
My treasures
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Taking it slow
Well another snow day is upon us :-) yippee....I think?
I had a overwhelming feeling from God today to savor it, don't fight it.... don't complain about the lessons not done.....or the wet floors from melting snow, or the boots, mittens, hats, scarves, snowpants and coats strewn all over my back hall, or the hot chocolate cups piled in the sink.
Sometimes I need a reminder from God to just "go with it". After all He gave us the seasons....He has set everything in order.
So maybe there is something divine about a slew of snowdays or maybe I could just choose to look at it as divine. Either way today I am going to "go with it".
.
I am tucking the list away.(the mental one too) Not thinking about what I can't get done because the roads are slippery. Not complaining ...which I do entirely too much of anyways. Sometimes it hits me how little control I have over all this "stuff" anyways. In the grand scheme of life another missed math lesson, or one less chapter read isn't going to make or break any of my kids. Seeing a mom roll with the unexpected and be joy filled over life's "little" delights such as SNOW may be something they remember when life sends them a curve ball. It maybe something much more serious than a hand full of snow delays. I want to instill resilience in my brood. I want them to look at a change of plans with the enthusiasm. That is something that my husband does really well and I've learned from him (or trying to learn)...no detour is too big for him not to have a plan B up his sleeve, and by the end of the day you look back and realize plan A wouldn't have been half as exciting!!
I don't want to whine......I want to "go with it"
Don't brashly announce what you are going to do tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Proverbs 27:1
I had a overwhelming feeling from God today to savor it, don't fight it.... don't complain about the lessons not done.....or the wet floors from melting snow, or the boots, mittens, hats, scarves, snowpants and coats strewn all over my back hall, or the hot chocolate cups piled in the sink.
Sometimes I need a reminder from God to just "go with it". After all He gave us the seasons....He has set everything in order.
So maybe there is something divine about a slew of snowdays or maybe I could just choose to look at it as divine. Either way today I am going to "go with it".
.
I am tucking the list away.(the mental one too) Not thinking about what I can't get done because the roads are slippery. Not complaining ...which I do entirely too much of anyways. Sometimes it hits me how little control I have over all this "stuff" anyways. In the grand scheme of life another missed math lesson, or one less chapter read isn't going to make or break any of my kids. Seeing a mom roll with the unexpected and be joy filled over life's "little" delights such as SNOW may be something they remember when life sends them a curve ball. It maybe something much more serious than a hand full of snow delays. I want to instill resilience in my brood. I want them to look at a change of plans with the enthusiasm. That is something that my husband does really well and I've learned from him (or trying to learn)...no detour is too big for him not to have a plan B up his sleeve, and by the end of the day you look back and realize plan A wouldn't have been half as exciting!!
I don't want to whine......I want to "go with it"
Don't brashly announce what you are going to do tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Proverbs 27:1
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Friendships
One of the biggest challenges that we face these days in our house is navigating through all the friendships.
Honestly I feel like its a full time job some days. Who is insulted ? Who is being left out? Who is leaving out? Who said what to who? Why she or he is not my friend any more!
Then you have best friends, BFF's, friendships that involve 3's (that's always a treat) , family friends, church friends, childhood friends.....I think you get my point....
Some days I am tempted to say NO FRIENDS.....hey you have each other, there are 4 of you that's more friends than most people have.....so be happy!! AHHH wouldn't that be grand....
Then I think of all the lessons I have learned and still seem to be learning through my friendships. Friendships have blessed my life ....challenged my emotional and spiritual growth. Friends have urged me out of my selfishness and stretched me beyond my original limits. Friends have allowed me to be me and also encouraged me to reach beyond myself and my self made limitations.
That being said I have felt pain and hurt in friendships also. Friendships that make you question WHY am I friends with this person? People who lean to much on you...require way more out of you than they are ever willing to give. Friends who only want to be friends with you SO they can be friends with someone you already have a relationship with. Friends that use you, belittle you, control your every move, and make you feel less than when you are with them or you don't fall in line with their plans.
These are the friends that when I see them heading for my kids I am like a Mama bear defending my cubs! Knowing all to well that as much as I try, they are all going to experience the sting of one of those "friends". Also knowing that after that relationship is over the sweetness of a pure friendship will make them aware of sourness that some put into our lives. Making them wiser in giving their time, heart, and loyalty so easily.
Honestly, I have had very true friends in my life. At almost 40 (shhhhh!) I am blessed to have a husband who is my best friend. Who carries the burden of hearing it all.....who has the spot of "forever friend" . Well as long as the Lord sees fit. I am truly blessed to have parents who I consider my friends also. Each of them holding a unique role in my life. It's a unique transition when you go from just child to child/friend with your parents. My prayer now is that I get to experience that with my own.
For a long period of my adult life I would say that, that is where my friendships ended. Oh I had those short bouts of being friendly with people. Friends through my marriage...or church....or kids. For the most part they were surface relationships and left me feeling unfulfilled. I can put it to you this way I was pretty poor in friends.....and now I feel about the richest girl in town!
I feel like God took his big friend shaker and seasoned my life !! As He sprinkled over my life He used not just one flavor but many unique ones! Some who add zest, some who add sweetness, and others that even at first taste may seem sour I have learned to acquire a taste for. My life is full of the spice of friends and I am truly grateful.
So as much as dealing with my kids friendships may challenge me at times how could I jip them of the richness that they bring into your life. So it may take them many years to find that one person they consider a true friend...the stepping stones along the way prepare you for the friend that person may need. Prepare them to listen more, judge less, to be truthful and kind....to think of others before yourself, to remember that your words do hurt...and once its said it can't be taken back. That being said they need to learn to be gracious in extending and accepting forgiveness. They need to learn to love....and put themselves last...
My command is this: love one another as I have loved you. Greater love as no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13
I want to raise children who know the true gift and sacrifice of laying down your life for others.........friendships are a great training ground for that.
Honestly I feel like its a full time job some days. Who is insulted ? Who is being left out? Who is leaving out? Who said what to who? Why she or he is not my friend any more!
Then you have best friends, BFF's, friendships that involve 3's (that's always a treat) , family friends, church friends, childhood friends.....I think you get my point....
Some days I am tempted to say NO FRIENDS.....hey you have each other, there are 4 of you that's more friends than most people have.....so be happy!! AHHH wouldn't that be grand....
Then I think of all the lessons I have learned and still seem to be learning through my friendships. Friendships have blessed my life ....challenged my emotional and spiritual growth. Friends have urged me out of my selfishness and stretched me beyond my original limits. Friends have allowed me to be me and also encouraged me to reach beyond myself and my self made limitations.
That being said I have felt pain and hurt in friendships also. Friendships that make you question WHY am I friends with this person? People who lean to much on you...require way more out of you than they are ever willing to give. Friends who only want to be friends with you SO they can be friends with someone you already have a relationship with. Friends that use you, belittle you, control your every move, and make you feel less than when you are with them or you don't fall in line with their plans.
These are the friends that when I see them heading for my kids I am like a Mama bear defending my cubs! Knowing all to well that as much as I try, they are all going to experience the sting of one of those "friends". Also knowing that after that relationship is over the sweetness of a pure friendship will make them aware of sourness that some put into our lives. Making them wiser in giving their time, heart, and loyalty so easily.
Honestly, I have had very true friends in my life. At almost 40 (shhhhh!) I am blessed to have a husband who is my best friend. Who carries the burden of hearing it all.....who has the spot of "forever friend" . Well as long as the Lord sees fit. I am truly blessed to have parents who I consider my friends also. Each of them holding a unique role in my life. It's a unique transition when you go from just child to child/friend with your parents. My prayer now is that I get to experience that with my own.
For a long period of my adult life I would say that, that is where my friendships ended. Oh I had those short bouts of being friendly with people. Friends through my marriage...or church....or kids. For the most part they were surface relationships and left me feeling unfulfilled. I can put it to you this way I was pretty poor in friends.....and now I feel about the richest girl in town!
I feel like God took his big friend shaker and seasoned my life !! As He sprinkled over my life He used not just one flavor but many unique ones! Some who add zest, some who add sweetness, and others that even at first taste may seem sour I have learned to acquire a taste for. My life is full of the spice of friends and I am truly grateful.
So as much as dealing with my kids friendships may challenge me at times how could I jip them of the richness that they bring into your life. So it may take them many years to find that one person they consider a true friend...the stepping stones along the way prepare you for the friend that person may need. Prepare them to listen more, judge less, to be truthful and kind....to think of others before yourself, to remember that your words do hurt...and once its said it can't be taken back. That being said they need to learn to be gracious in extending and accepting forgiveness. They need to learn to love....and put themselves last...
My command is this: love one another as I have loved you. Greater love as no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13
I want to raise children who know the true gift and sacrifice of laying down your life for others.........friendships are a great training ground for that.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Snow day vs. School day
OK so who was excited when they woke up this morning?
Nothing like waking up to the freshly fallen snow! The world looks so clean and pure.....so like God intended it to be.
The debate started last night in our house whether this would be a school day or not. Of course my kids caught wind that many of their friends schools were off....so they started making their case for a cancellation at Paiva Academy. I was not hearing of it. You see they seem to forget the days we take off when all there school friends are actually IN school. They seem to forget the afternoon trips to the movies or 1/2 days to enjoy a spring day. I can't blame them for forgetting those days they are kids and part of the reason we home school them is so we DO have that freedom to enjoy life! BUT I hold our school calendar and nothing warms my heart more than putting a big X on a day ..as we inch closer to 180 days!
So this morning started to the phone ringing and my husband having the day off due to the snow. I knew my battle would be up hill from there. One by one they all strolled down. Excited and anticipating what the day would hold. They love nothing better than dad having a surprise day off. Nick put his snow pants on right over his p.j.'s . That boy did not want to waste anytime getting outside.
OK did anyone remember that today was a school day???
It doesn't seem that way to me. Should I fight it? We compromised and said we would do schooling in the afternoon after they helped dad with the shoveling sure.....
Well as I peek out the window I see Steven playing with the boy who just moved in across the street....Steven had been to shy to go over and meet him for the past 2 months...but nothing like snow and sleds to bring two boys together. I see Nicholas helping shovel another neighbor whose husband is stuck at work. Sophia is working with her dad getting our driveway cleared . I hear laughs and see kids who are still learning...learning that snow days are opportunities for fun....new friends....helping others ....and spending time with those you love!
How could I exchange this day for some math lessons and spelling tests? These are the days memories are made.....when they all get frozen like popsicles and come in, taking a few inches of snow with them on their hats and boots .....we will all sit down hot chocolate in hand and enjoy the peace of an unexpected day off. What is better than that...precious time that isn't spoken for.
Later on I may sneak in a math drill or two...and we will read our book on the Life of Abraham Lincoln and do our Bible reading.....and when no one else is looking I will take my black pen and put a big fat X over today....yup we did school .....and we loved every minute of it!!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Something about a birthday !!
There is a birthday at our house today!! Steven turns 12 !!
Yes I do wonder where the time has gone !
Yes I do try to cherish each day !
Yes I do realize that I can't freeze time !
I also realize that I am quickly getting a house full of kids who I love to spend time with....talking....debating....laughing and yes sometimes even a few tears.
As one season of diapers and temper tantrums pass me by I am starting to embrace this new season! Now don't think I don't have my soft moments when I see a baby or even get to cuddle with one that I don't long for those tender moments. When all they needed and wanted was their mommy. Now I am in the running for many things that are vying for my kids attention. If I choose to look at life as a challenge .....this season is just going to make me more on my game. Pulling a lollipop out of my purse isn't going to be the highlight of my kids day anymore. Investing some time at the end of a long day, when quite frankly all I want to do is hide away with a book, put me aside to discuss today's heart ache or social dilemma. That is the lollipop my kids are looking now....ME.....and honestly its more work!
Yes sleepless nights were exhausting....temper tantrums were unnerving......bottles, little clothes to wash, dry and fold consumed many waking hours. Honestly most of these things I could do on auto-pilot. Not so for the stage we are in now! There is no pacifier for a hurting heart or a confusing friendship. There is no WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOUR PRE-TEEN ???.......no warning for the change in emotions from high to low and then back again. OK so sometimes there are warnings but its not like an your face dirty diaper ....so if you are not taking the time you miss it. Then like the V8 commercial you slap yourself upside the head and make a promise to stay more in tune next time.
So as another one of my babies ( what they will always be) edges closer to teenhood I guess I have a choice.....its that fork in the road moment......boo-hoo over what use to be.....those sweet mommy and baby moments or look forward to all the moments ahead of us. The moments that I help them navigate through the challenges and triumphs. The moments that we refine each other spiritually ! As I sit here and glance over at the birthday boy busy doing his school work.....I am amazed how much he looks like his dad.....I still see little boy....but I see the making of a man. I sit here and realize 12 years from now it won't really matter much what kind of bottle I used to feed him or what kind educational toys he played with.....but what I invest from here on out will matter the most! What words of wisdom I try to impart to him. Showing him where to invest his heart, his time, his resources. Telling him the truth even when it doesn't make me very popular to his friends or to him. Being there for him even when its very late or very early and it was not on my to-do list :-) Helping him stick to his commitments even when it means the sacrifice is more on MY part than on his.
You know that song The best is yet to come.....one of those older singers sang it.....well I think that's how I am starting to look at my parenting journey. I refuse to sit around mourning the loss of my "totally dependent on me kids". Instead I am rejoicing in my developing, independent, and at times daunting children. They are challenging me out of the complacency and catapulting me into spiritual boot camp. I don't want to be out of shape for the next leg of the journey that lays ahead of us. Its like having a twinkie on the 20th mile of a marathon. In order for me to pour out good things into my kids lives I need to be making sure that I am getting filled with only the best !!
Happy Birthday Steven .....I love being your mom! I anticipate the years ahead will be filled with laughter and joy.....just like the first 12 have!
Yes I do wonder where the time has gone !
Yes I do try to cherish each day !
Yes I do realize that I can't freeze time !
I also realize that I am quickly getting a house full of kids who I love to spend time with....talking....debating....laughing and yes sometimes even a few tears.
As one season of diapers and temper tantrums pass me by I am starting to embrace this new season! Now don't think I don't have my soft moments when I see a baby or even get to cuddle with one that I don't long for those tender moments. When all they needed and wanted was their mommy. Now I am in the running for many things that are vying for my kids attention. If I choose to look at life as a challenge .....this season is just going to make me more on my game. Pulling a lollipop out of my purse isn't going to be the highlight of my kids day anymore. Investing some time at the end of a long day, when quite frankly all I want to do is hide away with a book, put me aside to discuss today's heart ache or social dilemma. That is the lollipop my kids are looking now....ME.....and honestly its more work!
Yes sleepless nights were exhausting....temper tantrums were unnerving......bottles, little clothes to wash, dry and fold consumed many waking hours. Honestly most of these things I could do on auto-pilot. Not so for the stage we are in now! There is no pacifier for a hurting heart or a confusing friendship. There is no WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOUR PRE-TEEN ???.......no warning for the change in emotions from high to low and then back again. OK so sometimes there are warnings but its not like an your face dirty diaper ....so if you are not taking the time you miss it. Then like the V8 commercial you slap yourself upside the head and make a promise to stay more in tune next time.
So as another one of my babies ( what they will always be) edges closer to teenhood I guess I have a choice.....its that fork in the road moment......boo-hoo over what use to be.....those sweet mommy and baby moments or look forward to all the moments ahead of us. The moments that I help them navigate through the challenges and triumphs. The moments that we refine each other spiritually ! As I sit here and glance over at the birthday boy busy doing his school work.....I am amazed how much he looks like his dad.....I still see little boy....but I see the making of a man. I sit here and realize 12 years from now it won't really matter much what kind of bottle I used to feed him or what kind educational toys he played with.....but what I invest from here on out will matter the most! What words of wisdom I try to impart to him. Showing him where to invest his heart, his time, his resources. Telling him the truth even when it doesn't make me very popular to his friends or to him. Being there for him even when its very late or very early and it was not on my to-do list :-) Helping him stick to his commitments even when it means the sacrifice is more on MY part than on his.
You know that song The best is yet to come.....one of those older singers sang it.....well I think that's how I am starting to look at my parenting journey. I refuse to sit around mourning the loss of my "totally dependent on me kids". Instead I am rejoicing in my developing, independent, and at times daunting children. They are challenging me out of the complacency and catapulting me into spiritual boot camp. I don't want to be out of shape for the next leg of the journey that lays ahead of us. Its like having a twinkie on the 20th mile of a marathon. In order for me to pour out good things into my kids lives I need to be making sure that I am getting filled with only the best !!
Happy Birthday Steven .....I love being your mom! I anticipate the years ahead will be filled with laughter and joy.....just like the first 12 have!
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