I know I only seem to blog when I am feeling sentimental....but writing helps me keep from blubbering all over the place and direct my feelings into something productive and less messy !!
My Nadia Rose 14 today .....NO WAY !! Where did that go.....I mentioned that country song to Steve last night "Don't Blink" Well we must have blinked because we got a girl well on her way to 18.....and it seems like yesterday I was rocking her and kissing those chubby cheeks !! Now she is looking at me eye to eye ...capable of more than I want to admit......confident in ways that are beyond her years....beautiful deep down inside but that can't help but to burst to the surface. Sometimes when I am working side by side with her I glance over and I am caught totally off guard...she is more woman than girl now. There are times when I see her dancing with her daddy and I can picture her standing on his feet....and I can see the twinge of sadness in his eyes when he realizes how even though she will always be his little girl...she is no longer little. I savor those moments when her guard is down and one of her siblings (usually her brothers) get her giggling and I catch a glimpse of my funny little Nadia !!
As a mom I feel the shift.....I feel the difference in the type of "mothering" I need to do. Oh yeah there are days that I need to still lay down the law but for the most part I am needed as gentle guide...not a forceful hand holding on with a death grip.....no I get to save that for Nicholas :-) I've had to move the fence out a bit give some more grazing space......not always doing a happy dance over that one. But when I see her make good choices (and I often do) its a humbling feeling knowing that she has caught some of what we've been teaching.....it hasn't fallen on deaf ears or a hard heart. Its all we can pray and hope for as parents.
On a day like today I can't help but reflect......Nadia being our oldest has been at times the "guinea pig" so to speak....I mean really who has a clue on how hard it is to be a parent until you are in the thick of it. Those first few years are filled with trial and many errors......When you finally find your groove as a parents well maybe your other kids reap the benefits but by then the first born is well on their way. But Nadia was and always has been our easy going girl.....always gone with the flow.....even when family life with toddlers was stressful she never added stress into it....she was as first borns usually are independent and determined (still is). I remember the weekend I found out I was pregnant with Sophia ....we went out to buy 'big girl" underwear because the thought of 3 in diapers was paralyzing me.....with in a day I was confident I would only have 2 in diapers.....thats how things rolled with Nadia :-)
On days like today I can't help but to dream......and DREAM BIG !! Lord what do you have in store for my red-headed girl !! My prayer is that she will follow the Lord where He leads her....and that Steve and I won't hold her back in any way by wanting to hold onto her to tightly. I want her to flourish and grow.....using all the gifts that come naturally to her and developing the gifts that she has not even discovered she has.
On days like today I can't help but thank God for the day that Nadia Rose came into my life....her dad always tells her "she changed his life forever" and I totally agree.....from for the first second I laid eyes on her I have never been the same. Its an amazing feeling the first moments of motherhood you feel things down deep in places that you never knew you had and you never go back to the person you were before. Everything you do and every move you make is for your babies ......it who you are now.....and those kids are at the core of you now and you will do anything and EVERYTHING to make sure they are fulfilled physically and emotionally and spiritually. You can't even imagine love like that before you are a mom !!
Well happy 14th Nadia Rose......I know I've said it a million times but being your mom is one of the greatest blessing in my life.......I cherish every year and look forward to all that God has for us as mother and daughter :-)
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