Seasons

Text to Steve this afternoon....

"I miss simpler days"....."I feel so torn"


I miss the days when there was NO thought of anyone being out of the house on the weekends....Now its actually a treat when all 4 kids end up with NO plans all weekend long. That makes me sad.....am I crazy ?? Maybe !! I know some parents who long for the days of freedom.....and yet I feel just the opposite some days. I mean don't get me wrong I do like that I can run to the grocery store by myself from time to time and quietly stroll the aisles with out 4 kids in tow. On the other hand I had a total melt down a few weeks back when NONE of my kids wanted to come out and run errands with me. My poor husband had to console me in the parking lot of Target as I boo-hooed into the phone like my life was almost over.
I love having my kids with me....even through the craziness and loudness and frustration that goes with having 4 kids with you 24 hours a day I honestly can't imagine life any other way and it saddens me when I realize that this is just a season of my life. Someday, (breathe, breathe) they will be out on their own. That is what we are preparing them for, I am fully aware of that and of course in favor of that progression of life. But my little heart aches at that thought....a day when my interaction with them is much more limited :-(.
Life is a funny round and round of events isn't it.....I remember not being able to understand my mother-in-law when we first got married....Steve being the last out of his parents house I was watching and listening to my mother in law mope around about it. In my 25 year old mind...I was like she finally has a chance to do what she wants...no worries about big dinners and extra laundry, late nights. Instead she was grieving ....I get it now...While you have it you are so in IT you can't see that there is going to be an end to this season. Its like the sleepless nights of a newborn....COME ON they go on forever until your eyes practically burn out of your skull...but really when you think back its over in a flash of time. Then one day you realize that you haven't been up with a kid in years...they don't even need you when they are sick now. That phase of life is over....and God ushers in a new one.

I have this love hate relationship with seasons....I love watching the new things that are going on with my kids. I love how we can now really talk about real life things....I love to see their independence and maturity. I love the fact that they are embracing things of God for themselves. I do like the fact that everyone ties shoes and makes beds :-). But when I go to church and hold someones newborn or see a mom out with gaggle of little kids I can't help but get that little pang inside reminding me of a season that has past for me. Most days I try not to get caught up in that because the Lord has too many great things in the season we are in the midst of ...I just couldn't help myself today....I could feel the tears welling up and the heart twisting a tad
....and then Ecclesiastes 3 came to my mind "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven"

God is in control of all the seasons of my life ....of my kids lives and seasons as well. He has ordered everything to this point and it has worked out pretty well...so I need to sit back so to speak and allow this season to roll in too....no its not easy...but you know what as I was typing this my dad came over ( my next door neighbor) :-) and I was reminded of how much I cried when I first got married because I wasn't ever going to live at my parents house again....it was so hard for my mind to wrap around that....BUT I survived and I actually ended up REALLY liking living with my husband....so some time change works out better than you thought!! Gripping onto keeping things the same isn't always the best plan to have.

For now I will keep pouring into the lives of my kids, because that is the season I am in. My prayer is not that they will stay with us forever, but that they will become adults that will be able to pour out abundantly into all the seasons that God has planned for them.

DIsney ..car rides ....and my husband

So we did it !!

We made it back from Disney ......8 days.....44 hours of driving back and forth....
more gas station pit stops than my hand sanitizer could handle...3 parks...throw in a water park for extra fun....a few rainy afternoons.....one torrential down pour in the magic kingdom...more
fast food than I can to even discuss....if I never eat another chicken finger it WON'T
be too soon!! The lines were next to nothing so we rode our favorite rides multiple times!!
We were in the Magic Kingdom to night for their "Night of Joy" 3 stages set up
around the park with Christian concerts.....We had a front row to see Jeremy Camp, Sanctus Real.....and a not so front row to see Toby Mac, Skillet (insert the earplugs)..... we couldn't even get close to see one of our favorite artist Matthew West....and Nadia wiggled her way into see Group1Crew :-)) ...On a whole it was a fun 2 nights BUT can you say CRAZY !! Wow ..who knew it would be sooooo crowded ...I can assure you NOT us......I think Steve and I thought we would be in the Magic Kingdom with a few hundred other people and have the run of the park and a front row at every concert....SHOCKER....we weren't in New England any more :-) people came out in droves to see these concerts!!

So it was a very very packed week....and at times I did question WHY are we doing this ?? I felt like herded cattle ......filing in line after line......turnstile after turnstile......I know some would argue with me .....and I know it is a "magical" place....BUT man I was totally over stimulated !! And at times I felt kind of disconnected from the kids.....not a whole lot of time to have a heart to heart in those parks.

Steve and I always enjoy a get away...having kids never slowed us down....pack em' up and hit the road was the way we rolled! Always driving to our destinations......and the kids know that the drive IS part of the vacation.....we talk, read (alittle) listen to music...and LAUGH !! and sometimes having melt downs (none of us are exempt) There is something about being trapped all 6 of us in the van .....my husband loves it......when the kids were little I thought he was crazy but as they've gotten older the time feels alittle more precious....sometimes I just peer back and catch a glimpse on one of them snuggled up on the other one ...awww sweetness !! Sharing headphones ....or snacks.....sneaking the soda under the seat (like I didn't know) just doing NOTHING but being together ....I guess my husband was onto something way before me!!
We laughed so much and so hard on this car trip so many times my sides were hurting...I was literally doubled over as the kids went back and forth joking (mostly on me) but it was so refreshing to just laugh for hours and hours with them !! It also made me realize how our relationships are changing we are relating more on the same level now.....no pulling anything over on this bunch of kids anymore :-)
Then in all the laughter and greasy fast food stops....Steven breaks in with the hard reality " hey you guys know what ?" ...."no what Steven?" kind of thinking he was going to hit us with another joke......but instead he says "Nadia is 14 in 4 more years she could be in college and maybe she won't come on vacation with us" Ok so I braced myself for Steve driving off the road at that comment........WOW 4 lousy years....and then Steven 2 years behind her and Sophia 1 year behind him and then Nicholas 2 years after that.....oh my aching heart!! How fast time flies .....and how precious these memories are to me !!
I am so thankful that my husband had the wisdom to see it ......its not that he likes to "get away" for himself to kick back and rest.....it would have been MUCH more relaxing for him to stay home this past week.....but he tirelessly pushes through park after park (honestly sometimes dragging me) He pushed Sophia in a wheel chair one night because she had a fever and sore throat and felt pretty lousy ....he carries kids ....bags.....(mind you the bags that I bag are NOT light) He keeps us motivated when we start to loose steam.......and has gotten much better at seeing when we are all going to hit the wall :-) I so appreciate that !! He does all the driving...provides all the funding for all our fun .......and is so generous never making us feel that he is stressed about spending all this money in one week ( I grumble much more about that).

Thank you honey....for being so good at making memories .....and I know for however long we have all our kids in the "nest" you will see to making memories that all of us can tuck away in our hearts!!

So even though I don't think the Paiva family are official members of the Disney Fan Club :-) I am an official fan of being a wife to Steve Paiva and mom to Nadia, Steven, Sophia and Nicholas....and I would go just about anywhere with the 5 of them !!