Seasons

Text to Steve this afternoon....

"I miss simpler days"....."I feel so torn"


I miss the days when there was NO thought of anyone being out of the house on the weekends....Now its actually a treat when all 4 kids end up with NO plans all weekend long. That makes me sad.....am I crazy ?? Maybe !! I know some parents who long for the days of freedom.....and yet I feel just the opposite some days. I mean don't get me wrong I do like that I can run to the grocery store by myself from time to time and quietly stroll the aisles with out 4 kids in tow. On the other hand I had a total melt down a few weeks back when NONE of my kids wanted to come out and run errands with me. My poor husband had to console me in the parking lot of Target as I boo-hooed into the phone like my life was almost over.
I love having my kids with me....even through the craziness and loudness and frustration that goes with having 4 kids with you 24 hours a day I honestly can't imagine life any other way and it saddens me when I realize that this is just a season of my life. Someday, (breathe, breathe) they will be out on their own. That is what we are preparing them for, I am fully aware of that and of course in favor of that progression of life. But my little heart aches at that thought....a day when my interaction with them is much more limited :-(.
Life is a funny round and round of events isn't it.....I remember not being able to understand my mother-in-law when we first got married....Steve being the last out of his parents house I was watching and listening to my mother in law mope around about it. In my 25 year old mind...I was like she finally has a chance to do what she wants...no worries about big dinners and extra laundry, late nights. Instead she was grieving ....I get it now...While you have it you are so in IT you can't see that there is going to be an end to this season. Its like the sleepless nights of a newborn....COME ON they go on forever until your eyes practically burn out of your skull...but really when you think back its over in a flash of time. Then one day you realize that you haven't been up with a kid in years...they don't even need you when they are sick now. That phase of life is over....and God ushers in a new one.

I have this love hate relationship with seasons....I love watching the new things that are going on with my kids. I love how we can now really talk about real life things....I love to see their independence and maturity. I love the fact that they are embracing things of God for themselves. I do like the fact that everyone ties shoes and makes beds :-). But when I go to church and hold someones newborn or see a mom out with gaggle of little kids I can't help but get that little pang inside reminding me of a season that has past for me. Most days I try not to get caught up in that because the Lord has too many great things in the season we are in the midst of ...I just couldn't help myself today....I could feel the tears welling up and the heart twisting a tad
....and then Ecclesiastes 3 came to my mind "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven"

God is in control of all the seasons of my life ....of my kids lives and seasons as well. He has ordered everything to this point and it has worked out pretty well...so I need to sit back so to speak and allow this season to roll in too....no its not easy...but you know what as I was typing this my dad came over ( my next door neighbor) :-) and I was reminded of how much I cried when I first got married because I wasn't ever going to live at my parents house again....it was so hard for my mind to wrap around that....BUT I survived and I actually ended up REALLY liking living with my husband....so some time change works out better than you thought!! Gripping onto keeping things the same isn't always the best plan to have.

For now I will keep pouring into the lives of my kids, because that is the season I am in. My prayer is not that they will stay with us forever, but that they will become adults that will be able to pour out abundantly into all the seasons that God has planned for them.