So here we are another CHRISTmas is upon us!
Of course because I am a total sap I decided to go digging through iPhoto to see pictures of Christmas past (thanks to my wonderful husband we have lots of pictures to look back on and cherish moments we may have forgotten).....OH my was I boo-hooing over those pictures! Not only did my kids look totally squeezable with their chubby cheeks, Christmas jammies all matchy matchy, they had that total twinkle in their eyes!! Man I miss that twinkle !! Ok so I boo-hooed over that stuff BIG time! But then I looked at me...yes I looked tired because who doesn't Christmas morning? December is like mom marathon of the year and you know you are so close to being finished...just a few more gifts, a fancy meal, a billion toy fixes and battery installs and you will cross that ribbon finish line. ahhhh Ok so all that tired I saw but I also saw what 10 years does to you! For the first time I didn't only see that my kids are getting older, I saw that SO AM I !! Wasn't the most thrilling moment ...ok so you guessed it back to boo-hooing I go. I was talking to one of my dear tender hearted friends just chatting on the amount of mom tears gets shed !! Its like the moment you become a mom you blow a leak and its a steady stream from then on. Why? Let's face it being a mom makes you a mush in ways you never dreamed possible....its a good thing, alittle soggy but all good.
So as another Christmas approaches see not only my kids are growing old ...but so am I (and of course that means Steve too) Its funny how easy it is to see everyone else get older but yourself ...even though the smart side of you knows its happening...unless you're are some how drinking from the fountain of youth we are all aging. I guess we got to learn to embrace it on some level.
In someways its a bit comforting this growing older stage...there is a certain ease to the rhythm of life you settle into. You figure the stressful "stuff" out for the most part. There are alot less of the "freak-out" moments...maybe its that freaking out requires too much energy and your at a stage where you are not into wasting precious energy and time....which brings me to another thought.
I've had this reoccurring thought lately (I think it goes with being almost 40) but if I had another baby what would I do differently. I've mulled it over and had a talk with Steve about it...honestly I wouldn't do much differently. Of course things would be done differently because I am DIFFERENT than I was 10 years ago....but the core things would be the same...because there is a ribbon of consistency that runs through my life. So yeah I would probably not stress about perfectly scheduled naps, and feedings equally spaced. I would snuggle a little longer and linger a bit longer over those first smiles and cooing sounds. In the end that would be way more for me than the baby :-)
So that brought me to this "ribbon of consistency" that runs through and around my life. Not a rope that ties and binds and constricts you, but a beautiful ribbon that weaves in & out. Gracefully joining one year to another. My "ribbon" is the advent wreath that gets lit for 4 weeks before Christmas and as I sit with my children I can close my eyes and hear my dads voice reading the same scriptures as my husband does in preparation of the Kings birth. My "ribbon" is trekking out to get a Christmas tree with Steve and the kids and squabbling over the WAY too BIG tree they pick out each year. My "ribbon" is putting out our nativity scene and hiding baby Jesus until Christmas morning when one of the kids put him in his spot and listening to the Christmas story before a gift is touched.
My "ribbon" is watching my dad faithfully come home to my mom each night..I watch him go up the driveway knowing that as he walks in the door and out of sight from my vantage point at the kitchen window he is being greeted by the love of his life. My "ribbon" is a husband that calls every night on the way home from work and heart that leaps at the sound of his voice and a flurry of kids happy voices (still) because "daddys home". My "ribbon" is hearing my son strum on the guitar and hearing my dad and my brother as his fingers dance across the strings.
My "ribbon" has weaved me through some great days and on the not so great days my "ribbon" has gently kept me in place....its been something that I could grab a hold of when I wasn't totally clear on where the next step would land me. My "ribbon" will be with me as I move onto all the other stages of life. It will wrap me in its memories, and history, its traditions but most of all its love. So yes I see a much younger woman in those pictures of Christmases past....but I am a woman blessed beyond belief as yet another length of my "ribbon" gets wrapped into my life.
Merry CHRISTMAS and may the love of Jesus' love wrap you in peace this week and through all the seasons of your life.
Beautiful! I've had similar thoughts this year. Must be that 40 thing. :) I'd also do some things differently that I did with my oldest boys, but mostly I'd do the same. My husband also calls before leaving work. He also calls at lunch. Every day. For 14+ years (minus a few days here and there because of meetings). From the very beginning my oldest and I would watch for daddy to pull onto our street (sometimes I was desperate!). I taught them to watch for daddy and greet him with excitement. He loves it. :) Thanks for sharing your memories. :)
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