December 28th .....we made it again

Well the hustle and bustle is pretty much winding down....I can hear the collective sighs of relief !! I have to admit this Christmas season was smooth sailing. It was almost weird it went off pretty much with out a hitch. Before you get all jealous on me don't worry we've had our share of crazy stressful Christmas seasons. We've had the billions of toys to find and then assemble. The stress of making both sides of in-laws happy and really giving each of them a fair share of quality time. We've had the puking holidays, the ear infection, the just plain old over tired cranky holidays. We've had the backed up sink right before Christmas dinner holiday when you have 15 people for dinner and no where to wash dishes. We've had the holidays where you are counting your pennies and stretching every dollar. (we've also been blessed with above and beyond many years)
So as I crawled into bed on Christmas night I was almost a little smug with myself, "HA! We've mastered this holiday thing !!" I told myself. Then quickly rebuked myself because you see so much of our uneventful holiday was just that it was UNEVENTFUL ...you can't plan or predict backed up sinks or stomach bugs or broken toys or even grumpy kids. So even though we had no so called glitches there was a sort of peace that settled over us this year. Now don't get me wrong I had some waves of panic over the usual things..what to get the in-laws, making sure each kids kind of get the same amount, Christmas cards, and a way too big tree for my living room. On a whole though it was pretty tranquil. We enjoyed some quality family time as we lit our advent wreath and followed a devotion through the weeks leading up to Christmas. I did as much shopping as I could online which cut down on me being in the stores with 4 kids. Truth be told my kids like the stores more than I do..I hate shopping..I really hate crowds, so this really helped me to keep sane. So all these things did aide in me feeling "lighter" this season but if I had to pinpoint one thing that really helped the most it would be the 5 people that live with me. Steve and I have always worked through things as a team...but of course as the years go on its been perfected less work more flow. He knows the things that trigger stress and tries to steer me away..or he verbally reminds me that I am stressing over something that is going to pass in a few weeks. That helps me keep it into perspective. He really is my right hand (or I am his right hand :)..from wrapping, to errands, to helping hosting I never have to ask twice for help....for that I am very,very grateful. This year though was the first year I didn't feel like we were a two person team....the kids really pitched in. First of all they kept it "joyful" they would bring me back to reality when I was stressing about the silliness. Kids have a knack with that don't they..some more than others...Steven does that for me, and as much as I get irritated at how RIGHT he is..I appreciate the shot of reality. I also appreciate the physical help that they all can be now. Now I know that if we didn't invest in them all year long, encouraging them to be selfless and to look for ways to serve, they would be a drain on the holidays. Instead things were getting done...cookies were baked, gifts were wrapped, rooms were swept and dusted, tables were set, and for the most part smiles were on faces. I was no longer a one man show...and that was the "peace" that made this Christmas sweet.

So this is not at all to gloat on how great our Christmas was....its to say that I am beginning to realize that Christmas is really all about what you invest in your relationships all year long. So many of us think by putting up some Martha Stewart Christmas decorations, dressing in our best, buying the perfect gift for everyone and sending the Christmas card that portrays our children as cherubs...this will then guarantee the Christmas season we've been longing for. That's really only making sure the "outside" is looking perfect...but you see the outside is subject to all the "unpredictable." When we've taken time to prepare the inside, well then the "unpredictable" doesn't ruffle us as much. I think that is what I felt this year I didn't try to bring us all together and stick a big "perfect" bow on us for the day. We've grown this year in huge ways, through some difficult things but through those things beautiful things have begun to emerge. Are we perfect?...not a chance...have we arrived?...not even close....But do we love??? yes with all our HEARTS....when its easy, when its ugly, when its messy, and when its lovely. So those were some of the "fruits" I "tasted" this Christmas season....and when you get a taste of something so sweet it makes you grateful, but most of all prepared to persevere through some more tilling of the soil in your family garden. As 2012 draws near I pray that each of us find the spot in our garden that the Lord has for us to do some work...so that we may reap a harvest of peace, love and joy for many years to come!

Galatians 6:7 For at the proper time we will reap a harvest IF we do not give up.

looking for the ghost of Christmas past

So here we are another CHRISTmas is upon us!

Of course because I am a total sap I decided to go digging through iPhoto to see pictures of Christmas past (thanks to my wonderful husband we have lots of pictures to look back on and cherish moments we may have forgotten).....OH my was I boo-hooing over those pictures! Not only did my kids look totally squeezable with their chubby cheeks, Christmas jammies all matchy matchy, they had that total twinkle in their eyes!! Man I miss that twinkle !! Ok so I boo-hooed over that stuff BIG time! But then I looked at me...yes I looked tired because who doesn't Christmas morning? December is like mom marathon of the year and you know you are so close to being finished...just a few more gifts, a fancy meal, a billion toy fixes and battery installs and you will cross that ribbon finish line. ahhhh Ok so all that tired I saw but I also saw what 10 years does to you! For the first time I didn't only see that my kids are getting older, I saw that SO AM I !! Wasn't the most thrilling moment ...ok so you guessed it back to boo-hooing I go. I was talking to one of my dear tender hearted friends just chatting on the amount of mom tears gets shed !! Its like the moment you become a mom you blow a leak and its a steady stream from then on. Why? Let's face it being a mom makes you a mush in ways you never dreamed possible....its a good thing, alittle soggy but all good.

So as another Christmas approaches see not only my kids are growing old ...but so am I (and of course that means Steve too) Its funny how easy it is to see everyone else get older but yourself ...even though the smart side of you knows its happening...unless you're are some how drinking from the fountain of youth we are all aging. I guess we got to learn to embrace it on some level.

In someways its a bit comforting this growing older stage...there is a certain ease to the rhythm of life you settle into. You figure the stressful "stuff" out for the most part. There are alot less of the "freak-out" moments...maybe its that freaking out requires too much energy and your at a stage where you are not into wasting precious energy and time....which brings me to another thought.

I've had this reoccurring thought lately (I think it goes with being almost 40) but if I had another baby what would I do differently. I've mulled it over and had a talk with Steve about it...honestly I wouldn't do much differently. Of course things would be done differently because I am DIFFERENT than I was 10 years ago....but the core things would be the same...because there is a ribbon of consistency that runs through my life. So yeah I would probably not stress about perfectly scheduled naps, and feedings equally spaced. I would snuggle a little longer and linger a bit longer over those first smiles and cooing sounds. In the end that would be way more for me than the baby :-)
So that brought me to this "ribbon of consistency" that runs through and around my life. Not a rope that ties and binds and constricts you, but a beautiful ribbon that weaves in & out. Gracefully joining one year to another. My "ribbon" is the advent wreath that gets lit for 4 weeks before Christmas and as I sit with my children I can close my eyes and hear my dads voice reading the same scriptures as my husband does in preparation of the Kings birth. My "ribbon" is trekking out to get a Christmas tree with Steve and the kids and squabbling over the WAY too BIG tree they pick out each year. My "ribbon" is putting out our nativity scene and hiding baby Jesus until Christmas morning when one of the kids put him in his spot and listening to the Christmas story before a gift is touched.
My "ribbon" is watching my dad faithfully come home to my mom each night..I watch him go up the driveway knowing that as he walks in the door and out of sight from my vantage point at the kitchen window he is being greeted by the love of his life. My "ribbon" is a husband that calls every night on the way home from work and heart that leaps at the sound of his voice and a flurry of kids happy voices (still) because "daddys home". My "ribbon" is hearing my son strum on the guitar and hearing my dad and my brother as his fingers dance across the strings.
My "ribbon" has weaved me through some great days and on the not so great days my "ribbon" has gently kept me in place....its been something that I could grab a hold of when I wasn't totally clear on where the next step would land me. My "ribbon" will be with me as I move onto all the other stages of life. It will wrap me in its memories, and history, its traditions but most of all its love. So yes I see a much younger woman in those pictures of Christmases past....but I am a woman blessed beyond belief as yet another length of my "ribbon" gets wrapped into my life.

Merry CHRISTMAS and may the love of Jesus' love wrap you in peace this week and through all the seasons of your life.